This is not black and white. And if Rosemary didn't use that expression yesterday, we're probably going to use it quite often, that when we say black and white, there is no definite answer that we can give on this. A lot of this is through trial and error, and it also depends on who we're with. You have got to remember the Dhamma being most important, and then you also have to remember that we have certain family Kamma debts, you could say. To be angry, say, while trying to stop your mother or father from killing a spider, something they've been doing for 50 or 70 years, only makes them more distant from you as to learning the Dhamma.
So if you happen to see a spider, in particular this example, and you think they're going kill it, quickly go and get the spider and toss it out of the house, catch it. You don't have to say anything to the parent other than if they're going quickly at it you can say, "I'll get it!" "I'll get it, I'll take care of it." They can assume that you're going to kill it as probably most of you did as kids, when they told us to do it. But then you go and you grab it with a box or something, if you have never learned how to catch spiders, it's a good time to learn. And then you just do that.
The first time I did that in front of my mother, she was kind of, "That's weird. What do you want to save that for!" You know, and she didn't really know what to say, and that was fine and dandy, but years later when she did a retreat with us, she understood more. And then years and years after that there was a fly in the house and she said, "Steven do you want to catch that fly and get it outside?" So we don't want to have aversion towards human beings who are just working on their conditioning, but sometimes trying to stop them directly won't work, so do it indirectly, take over the action that they were going to do and see what happens.