Regret is tied up with things we did that weren't wise, so to a large extent, we have got to do things that are wise. If we can directly apologize and fix any difficulties that we did concerning other people then we should go and do it. If we can not fix it, then we are left with the sense of, "Oh I can't fix it, I did this thing that was not so wise, oh..." All you can do then is take it as a lesson, as a wisdom development to never do it again in the future.
If you want to let go of regret for something you have done in the past that wasn't good, you have got to commit yourself to not do it again in the future. Because it does not help at all if you have done something wrong, regretted it, but then you go ahead and do it again. Then you are just going to have regret again, and it's going to be even double, and then you just go and do it again and it's even triple, and you never get out of the spin because there has never been a determination to get out of what you did wrong. So there has got to be that sort of determination when you regret events, especially recent events. If you can fix it, that's good, that will help solve the regret. If you cannot fix it, you have got to make a powerful determination not to do it again.
Then there's the regret in relationship to taking others' affections and conditions for granted - this is often tied in with a very selfish attitude of "Me, me, my world, what I want, what I assume others will give to me, etc.," and there is usually not enough giving back. There is not enough sharing, communicating and actually wishing others well. When we think of taking others' affections for granted, we expect, we are always expecting. That's the "Me-world" instead of the world of everybody.
Never take anyone for granted. If you get married, don't take your wife for granted, don't take your parents for granted, don't take your siblings for granted, there are just tons of stories. If you don't know anyone personally yet, Rosemary and I know plenty of people who don't talk to their brother, haven't talked to him for 20 year, haven't seen their father for 20 years, etc. Family feud. At my father's 80th birthday celebration, just a few year ago, some cousins came. Cousins he had last seen when he was eleven. Oh? He didn't know where they were, it was another cousin who ended up finding these ones after, oh, 69 years!
What happened, as the story goes, his father and the cousins' father had a feud. And it wasn't just those two, there were four siblings. 3 guys and a girl. My grandfather and the sister hated the other two brothers. They didn't talk to each other from that day forward. Forget it. As the story went though, my grandmother was still communicating with my grand aunts and the siblings who were feuding didn't know. That came out from the younger brother because he used to still play with the other cousin even though he wasn't supposed to.
But this is like part of the world. And in relationship to taking others for granted, don't take anyone for granted, because anything can happen. When there is a split, people go a different way. Divorce cases, for example; the world now, in the West particularly, has a high divorce rate. We have seen that in our families, there are a number of divorces among the seven siblings in our two families. And with quite a few of them, there was pure shock when the other person walked out. Total shock, "What's going on?" What was going on for one person was having an affair for 15 years! Talk about taking someone for granted.
So don't ever take anyone for granted, then you're never going to have regret. You're always going to be caring for the other person, you're always going to be showing your caring for the other person. When you show your caring, then if the person decides to go off with someone else, well OK, but you did the best you could and then you are not left with regret. But if you have done something in the sense of taking them for granted, expecting them to do certain things, expecting them to be able to be there for you, then you're liable to lose the boat and have lots of regret.
Then the third part, which is reacting to and working with regret skillfully. I think I have kind of covered that in general, it is like we have to get out of the "Me-world." To begin with, we have to see other human beings as other human beings. We have to care for them. If we made a mistake, try to correct it as quick as you can. All of you have heard in the 10-day retreat when I talk about Moral Shame and Rosemary mentions Moral Shame; to have that Moral Shame is healthy, it doesn't have to go into regret except into a moral type of regret. It simply acknowledges, "I did something wrong." Then you have got to go about trying to fix it. And then the regret can pass quicker.
Some people have a regret issue that takes a lot of good Kamma to resolve. Typically somebody who murdered, in prison, somebody who raped, this and that. They have got a very big regret issue if they actually do have this type of Moral Shame and regret while they are in prison. They are going to become a model prisoner, they are going to do everything possible to maybe get parole in 30-40 years, whatever and so on. And they have got to do lots and lots of good Kamma. And making good Kamma is a very simple way of helping to let go of lots of regret.