Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very important practice. Forgiveness of ourselves, for the people we've been in the past is quite important in order to let go of any negative ideas and develop more confidence in ourselves. It's important to be able to see the differences between who we are now and who we were so we can forgive the person who we were, understanding that we're constantly changing.
Sometimes when a negative memory about what we did that was bad or unskillful arises, we have to try to see what views were motivating that person at that particular time. See if you had some wrong views, see if you were attached to the hindrances at that time. Analyze in this way, so that you can feel compassion for the person who was attached to some negative emotions and some wrong views at that time, and then caused pain for yourself or others.
Then ask yourself whether there has been any change in your views or your understanding, so that you can see that who you were is different to who you are today. And see that hanging on to the idea that you are the same person as that person in the past, is what prevents you from forgiving that person, thinking that somehow you're the same. You also have to try to be careful to make a determination to avoid similar unskillful actions, speech and thoughts in the future, knowing that all of us will get swept away by greed, hatred and ignorance because we're not enlightened.
It is also helpful to understand the painfulness of wrong views, the painfulness of these negative emotions. Try to open to the painfulness of that being who we used to be, the suffering that person was having. Try to have compassion for it and see the changes, so that we can see that the person we were has passed away. Steve gives a Compassion and Lovingkindness meditation in the retreat about having compassion for the different ages. Forgiveness likes to see the changes so that we can forgive the person we were. We need to understand that it's very unfair for the person we are now, with the understanding we have now, to expect the person we've been to have the same understanding as we have now.
Basically when we won't forgive, it's because we have this idea, "Well, that person should have known better, that person should have had the understanding, should have, should, should, should." We often do not have the softness of a compassionate heart towards that person who was suffering from those wrong views, who was suffering from those negative emotions. We can learn how to forgive ourselves, and then start again making a determination to try to do the best we can in this present moment, understanding that we can't change the past.
Gradually as we work like this, some of the past memories that arise won't have such an emotional impact on us, because we're learning how to have compassion for and forgive all the people we were in the past.
Forgiving others depends a great deal on the ability to understand and forgive ourselves. We try not to freeze people, because probably all of us have had the occasion where we may have been having a difficult time one day, getting swept up in a multiple hindrance attack. We might have done something that we weren't too happy about, but then it passed away, and then we were back to our normal peaceful self.
Suppose one of the assistants is having a difficult day and a new meditator comes up the hill. It's just the day before this particular assistant's day off, and they're thinking about their day off and the desires that arise and they're feeling a bit bored with the present, and "Oh no, not another person that I have to tell about everything!" They are a bit impatient at that time and this new person forms a perception, "This assistant's not very nice, they don't have very much lovingkindness and they work in a meditation center!"
Then the assistant has the day off, and they feel a bit relaxed and they've completely changed. The day they come back this new person comes up the hill again. They see the assistant and don't want to have anything to do with them because they've formed a perception that this assistant is an unhelpful person, so they seek out somebody else.
So try not to freeze people, understand that people go through difficult times and difficult emotions due to their particular situations. Freezing them into that mind state, into that hindrance, would not be very kind to do because everybody doesn't get frozen into the hindrances, fortunately. Remember the good qualities of others. This also helps in forgiveness, Try to understand that perhaps they just got a bit clouded at that particular time, so that we learn how to forgive them.