Sometimes doubts and anxiety towards decision making come because we want to know the result of our decision without yet making the decision. And sometimes it's not enough to open to the not-knowing what's going to happen in the future. One pulls away from this not knowing, and tries to figure out what the result is going to be. This way or that way, this way or that way, not understanding that nobody really knows, unless they're a fortune teller, or have some psychic power, what the future is going to do for us.
We have to learn how to be content to not know about the future, and just try to look at our intentions, and try to make our intentions more in line with Compassion and Lovingkindness. What do we feel is necessary for ourselves? What causes least suffering for ourselves and others in a kammic way? Sometimes we get lost in materialism, and just want to know the results of every decision we make, not realizing that we may be a different person in the future, and that if we knew the future, we may pull back from it even though we may be a different person when we meet it.
When wanting to know the future so much, creating anxiety about it, there often comes the projection of a limited idea about ourselves into the future, not realizing that if we take care of the present as best we can, the future will take care of itself. But that may not necessarily mean that you get what you want, because we don't know our Kamma. But sometimes we want to make decisions so that we just get what we think we want or we need, from a limited idea of what we are in the present.
If Steve and I had wanted to know everything about what was going to happen when we came to Thailand, and tried to plan every step, we might never have left Australia. We didn't know we'd end up here. So worry is to be seen as worry, for what it is. An old saying that someone said to me is, "Worry is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it never gets you anywhere." So we may be just attached to doing something in the mind rather than actually practicing. Attached to worry, not willing to open to the unknowing which the future is. The future is unknown, it's not definite.
If we take care of the present as best we can, looking at our intentions and making them as good as we are able with the wisdom that we have at that time, and keep it to our direction, what is important to us, then we'll have more courage to just deal with experiences as they arise. We may then be more open to see opportunities as they present themselves to us, not limiting our idea of what we are capable of or what we are going to end up doing. If we're more in the present, we can be much more sensitive and aware and make wiser decisions, but if we're never there, continually worrying and trying figure things out, we lose the opportunity to make wiser decisions because we never let the mind calm down enough to see things clearly and to see our intentions clearly.
If we're going to take care of ourselves in the future and make wise decisions we have to look at our intentions. And realize that we're showing compassion to ourselves to make our intentions as best we can, with the wisdom that we have at that moment. And to realize that if we make a mistake, we can learn from our mistakes. If we're always afraid of making a mistake, then we'll never expand our limits. We're just too afraid to make a mistake, therefore we don't go into unknown things. If I was afraid to make mistakes, then I wouldn't be here today.
But the thing is, the wonderful thing about the Four Noble Truths, is that when you make a mistake and you see Dukkha arising, you have the opportunity to investigate into Dukkha, see the cause of it, and try to prevent it in the future. You have to try to see the true cause of it, not the storyline so much. As you get more experience in doing this, and letting go of the future a lot, it becomes less of a burden.
A lot people ask us, "What are your plans for the future?" We say we really don't have any for this place. We didn't plan it, and we like not planning it. Because then one step at a time things present themselves and then we're open for the opportunities that present themselves along the way. Often by projecting into the future, we have this idea of becoming, that we're going to create something. But this creation that you have in your mind may not be good for you. You may get all attached to the eight worldly dhammas in the process.
Try to open to not knowing the future so much. Just try to be, to make wise decisions one step at a time. One moment at a time, opening yourself to taking one step at a time and then seeing what presents itself to you again. When you come to an intersection, it's best to just be at that intersection and figure out which is the way to go, rather than thinking of all the other intersections you're going to have to come to along the journey. Because you may not take the road that comes to those intersections. You may take another road, and then you come to different intersections, and then you have wasted all this time thinking about that intersection that you're never even going to meet. Reflecting on death also helps us understand that we may not be there in the future, and it's best to try to live as best we can one step at a time, one moment at a time.