The Buddhist story of Kisagotami: There was a woman born in the time of the Buddha called Kisagotami. As I remember, according to the scriptures, she wasn't very beautiful, she was quite thin as well, and she was born to a lower caste. In India at that time, there was a belief that if a woman gave birth to a boy child, then a woman's duty as a wife was fulfilled, and she received great respect. Well, Kisagotami had the good fortune to marry into a merchant class, which for women with little choices in their life, was good fortune for her. She gave birth to a boy, and she received respect that she had never had before, so she was very happy.
When the little child was very young, he was playing in the garden, got bitten by a snake and died. Kisagotami, on finding the child, went into extreme shock and grief. She clasped the child to her, and went running around the village seeking a doctor who would heal her child, because she wouldn't believe that the child was dead. Of course, all the physicians who saw the child said, "I can't cure your child, your child is dead". She went frantically, from one person to another, and they kept on trying to tell her, "Your child can't be cured, he's dead". Finally she met an older person, and this older person had Compassion for poor Kisagotami, who was in shock and grief, and thought, "Well, if anyone can help her the Buddha can". So this person told her, "Perhaps the Buddha can help you". "Where is he staying?" "He is staying in a forest near the village", and pointed her towards where he was staying.
She raced off to find the Buddha. The Buddha saw her coming in the distance, and through his powers, understood what had happened. Kisagotami put the child at the Buddha's feet and implored him, "My child is ill, please help me, I need medicine to cure my child". The Buddha said something like this, "I will heal your affliction". Kisagotami didn't understand what he meant, and felt very happy, "Oh the Buddha is going to heal my child!" then the Buddha said, "I need a mustard seed". Well, she was even happier, because mustard seed is quite a common ingredient in curry. She started to race off to the village to get the mustard seed. But the Buddha called her back and said, "Wait, wait, Kisagotami, it has to be a special mustard seed. It has to come from a house where no-one has died". She didn't understand this, but she raced off to the village.
In those days, people lived in extended families in the same house. She raced to the first house, and frantically asked them, "Do you have a mustard seed, do you have a mustard seed? The Buddha needs a mustard seed, he's going to heal my child". They looked at the child and realized the child was dead, and thought, "It's for the Buddha, so okay" and gave her the mustard seed. Then Kisagotami remembered, "Oh, has anyone died in this house?", and, at each house, they would say something like, "What are you asking, my servant died last night" or "My brother died last week", etc. She went to every house in the village, and whenever she asked the question, "Has anyone died in this house?", they would give her a similar answer. "Oh, I'm sorry my grandmother died", or "I'm sorry, my brother died", or "I'm sorry..." She ran out of houses in the village, she couldn't find that special mustard seed, and she started to understand about the universality of death. Her pain was not just hers, it was also shared by the villagers, they had also lost loved ones, she deeply understood the universality of death.
It was getting late in the day. She took the child to the charnel ground, and laid the child in the charnel ground, understanding that the child was dead. She returned to the Buddha. The Buddha saw her coming and asked, "Kisagotami, did you find that mustard seed". She said, "I couldn't find any mustard seed from a house where no-one had died." The Buddha saw she was ripe for some further teaching, and then gave some teaching on impermanence. According to the story, she became a stream enterer at that time. She then became a nun, and later, working very hard, she also became fully enlightened.
As far as imagining our loved ones perfectly still: Yes, it can shake the mind up a little. Sometimes we have to open to this universality. When you feel that resistance, to go into this type of reflection is very helpful. One way again is to actually imagine, let the mind go back one hundred years ago, imagine that one hundred years ago, mothers, fathers, brothers, partners, all loving each other, not wanting to part from each other, and not wanting to die, not wanting their loved ones to die. And then after you have imagined this, ask yourself the question, "How many of these people are still alive?" Then go back further, two hundred, three hundred years, imagining these people alive, loving each other, etc. Then keep asking that question, "How many of these people are still alive?" Then come to the present, and imagine the six billion people in the world, loving each other, not wanting to part from each other, including ourselves as well, and not wanting to die. And then ask yourself the question, "In one hundred and twenty years, how many of these people will be alive? Will I be alive? And will it be so in the future, one hundred years from now, two hundred years from now?" Gradually the mind tends to settle down a little. At least that was my experience. Then, after this to ask yourself the question, "What can I do to strengthen the mind, so I can be accepting of this when it eventually happens?" It can be a great incentive to develop the mind, so one is capable of dealing with it when it happens, not if it happens. And maybe we die first, I don't know.
We start to realize that we have to take care of our mind, and that we have to strengthen the mind to accept the laws of existence.