This expression of "the heart feeling wide open and compassionate," this can be a different kind of language for different people. So I will go about this in a roundabout way. When you do the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation, sometimes you have a feeling, sometimes you don't. Now, in the long meditation I normally do on the third evening of the ten day retreat, if you can remember, I really stretched out some of the Dukkha stories in the beginning: the person coming home, their spouse and children dead, the fellow who pushed the other guy over the pier. I stretched that out a bit, hoping that people would touch on a bit of a feeling. The next day on the bulletin board, there will be the little article about the man coming home to find that his wife and kids are dead. It kind of hits as a deeper feeling.
Then later during the regular ten day retreat, each morning when we do the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation, we don't give much time. We start shortening down the time that we allow people to think. We give the subject of the reflection a wish, we go to someone else. We shorten the time, we give the subject of the reflection a wish, we go on to someone else. Sometimes the feeling comes, sometimes it doesn't come. We are not actually going to judge our heart opening on what kind of feeling we get. So, if this is what is meant by "heart feeling open and wide," we don't want to judge it on the feeling that we might get. We actually want to judge our ability to be compassionate and loving on the understanding that we are sincere in our wish.
Let me give you a different example and you will get the idea. Imagine today is my birthday, and you have an interview with me later and you find out it is my birthday. Would you wish me "Happy Birthday"? Most of you would. Would you mean it? Sometimes that takes people a little by surprise when I ask them. "What do you mean, 'do I mean it?'" "Would you actually mean it, do you actually wish me happy birthday?" And they go, "Oh, yeah." After they understand, usually they go "Yes, yes I would mean it." Then I say "Do you want anything back?" And most people say, "No. It's Steve's birthday." They don't want something today, it's for Steve, for Steve to have a happy birthday. Fine, then I ask them, "If you were on the boat going to Koh Samui and you started talking to a stranger, and you were having a nice conversation and you found out it was their birthday. Would you wish them, 'Happy Birthday'?" And most people go, "Oh, yeah," and I say, "Would you mean it?" And by now they go, "Yeah, I would mean it," and I say, "Would you want anything back?" And they go "No."
"Happy Birthday" is a miniature Compassion/Lovingkindness wish. For that moment we actually mean a deep-felt wish for that person to have a happy day. Free from Dukkha today, happiness in what they want. In a sense the heart is wide, the heart is compassionate, it's open.
The sincerity of the wish is more important for showing whether we are really open with our heart, whether we are really compassionate. To a certain extent you can judge the sincerity of your wish directly in the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation. Sometimes you're wishing your family, your friends, "May so-and-so, da-da-da-da-da." You bring up another: "May so-and-so, da-da-da-da-da." And you're going along fine: "May so-and-so, da-da-da-da-da." Switch over to some of those difficult people, and often the wish kind of goes like this: "May