Actually in order to answer that question we have to look at the first step, coming to realize that Compassion is a central pillar of Buddhism. Compassion by itself is not enough. The central pillars of Buddhism are Compassion and Wisdom. These are the Wisdom sides of the practice, the first two factors of the Eightfold Path. Without Wisdom, Compassion could become weak. So we need to link Compassion with Wisdom, this is the central core of Buddhism. Another thing that a lot of people misunderstand about Compassion and why they're a bit afraid of it, is because they have an image of Compassion that is sort of a lovey-dovey, weak fuzzy thing, and that if they get this sort of lovey-dovey compassionate feeling they'll get stepped on everywhere, and people will take advantage of them. Others will take advantage of them and they won't have enough strength to be able to take care of themselves in the world, or be assertive in any way either to themselves or for others. So we have to understand the different faces of Compassion. I say in every retreat that Compassion is like a multi-faceted diamond, and so it has many, many faces to it.
Actually when I look at some of the difficulties that I've had with some people, it is usually that they have this idea that because I'm a compassionate person I'll always allow them to do what they want to do. And they can do anything to me and I won't have an assertive response. But this is misunderstanding what Compassion is. Fortunately for most of our old students they realize that is not what we're like. Compassion is very strong, courageous and determined. And if you link it with Wisdom it's very strong. Now self-pity, this is often what people are afraid of, that if people have Compassion for themselves they'll get weak fall into self-pity. Self-pity sort of sits down and feels sorry for oneself, "Poor me, I'm the only one in life that suffers," and then doesn't do anything about it. But Compassion for oneself is not like this at all. Especially if we link it with Wisdom and look at the suffering that we have, we understand its true cause, ignorance, and it motivates us to try to end it in ourselves. So if we link it to Wisdom we actually start to see the true cause of it, and then we go about doing something to end the cause of it, this is why Compassion and Wisdom, if you look at them, are actually the Four Noble Truths. And they are the first two factors of the Noble Eightfold Path, the Wisdom side.
So self-pity sits downs and feels sorry for ourselves, and then we don't do anything about it, and it's also very much involved with me and my ego, and doesn't actually understand the universality of things. So how we can get out of this tendency to self-pity is actually to learn how to reflect on the universality of things, not just me, but everybody else. That's also how we have more Compassion for ourselves, not just everybody else, but also me. From the personal to the impersonal, from the personal to the universal, and the universal to the personal. So as far as having Compassion for ourselves, it doesn't mean that we indulge the causes of suffering in ourselves. Compassion that has a very strong determined energy keeps on searching for the true cause of it in ourselves and tries to end it. So it's actually when they say "when to be compassionate and when to be firm," it's actually "when to use the face of Compassion that is more gentle, and when to use the face of Compassion that is more firm." We never have to actually not use Compassion when we're firm.
So with mild alcoholism, if we have Compassion for ourselves, we see that actually it's difficult enough to live in the world and take care of ourselves when we have a clear a mind, so we don't actually want to interfere with this clarity of awareness, and anything that interferes with this clarity we see as a danger to ourselves. It doesn't allow us to take care of ourselves. Compassion actually will prevent us from wanting to cloud our awareness with these things. So I hope you're clearer that actually Compassion can be quite strong, and doesn't need to be a soppy something where we just indulge ourselves.
When to know when we're falling into self-pity? If we have an inkling that we may be falling into self-pity, it may be helpful to do the D/D technique, the universalizing technique at that time, to start to get our thoughts not just on ourselves, but also opening out to others.