The thoughts in the mind that want to control things in other people's behavior are usually seeking pleasure, and don't want to accept that Dukkha exists. They want the world and others to confirm to what they would like the world to be, so usually it manifests in the minds of people who don't accept the Four Noble Truths, don't accept Dukkha, and don't accept that Samsara is unsatisfactory. So if you have a tendency to do this, you have to strengthen the practice of learning how to open to Dukkha, and accept that Dukkha does indeed exist, that there are opposites existing in the world: pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, and fame and obscurity, as well, the other opposites that we meet with in life.
There's also a tendency to not accept that things are not ours. So there tends to be quite a lot of wrong view in the mind to think that we can somehow control the laws of existence, that somehow we can make things that are impermanent, permanent; things that are inherently Dukkha, pleasurable; and things that are not mine, mine. So often to deal with these thoughts, the strengthening of both the Dukkha reflection and what we call the Anatta reflection (not self, not me, not mine) are needed.
You can also try to strengthen the Equanimity aspect of the Brahma Viharas - this is very, very helpful. One way to strengthen Equanimity is to reflect that each of us is the owner of our own Kamma. A systematic way of doing that is to bring people to mind (also ourselves), reflect on their difficulties and suffering, and that each of us is the owner of our own Kamma. Instead of using the Lovingkindness phrase; that we are the owner of our own Kamma.
On the other hand, there are some people who have a tendency to care too much. Just like there are some people who don't want to open to Dukkha, there are also other people who have a tendency to too much Compassion, and the fear that somehow it's their responsibility to heal it, in the world and in other people. So learning how to care and not to care is very helpful in learning how to let go of the controlling mind. Because it's not actually our responsibility to heal all the suffering in the world or all the suffering in others. It's more our responsibility to heal it in ourselves first. If people give us the permission to help change them, then that's fine, but we also have to understand that it's not in our power to change others. We can only show them the way for them to change themselves.
Ways to balance these types of thoughts is to develop more understanding of the Cause and Effect/Kamma reflection, develop more of the ability to reflect on the impermanent and Dukkha nature of things. This is reflecting on the Three Characteristics, developing the wisdom part of the practice more. If we develop more wisdom, we understand that Dukkha does exist, things are impermanent, and because they are impermanent they can't be totally ours. When we look at ourselves, it is very difficult to control the body: it gets sick and diseased whether we want it to or not.
It also helps to practice the Four Elements reflection, seeing how things age and decay without our wishes. Many times the way to do this is to reflect on the different stages of decay in external things: flowers: they bud, they start to wilt, they start to decay. Our body: it was born, it grows up, it ages, and it dies. This natural cycle, externally, internally, in our own body and then in looking at our mind. How things arise and pass, how this also changes due to different ages. We may start to see that it is very difficult to control this body, let alone somebody else's. It is very difficult to control our own mind, let alone someone else's. Strengthen the Wisdom and Dukkha side, Dukkha and Anatta.
The Three Characteristics of Existence are very important for us to learn how to reflect on so that we come to understand the Impermanence, Dukkha, and Anatta nature of things. This can be done by seeing them internally and externally. We plan to have a guided meditation later in the retreat that can help guide you in this.