Question

I often have difficulty reflecting on the Energy Parami. How do we distinguish sloth and torpor from actually being tired and then maybe pushing myself too far?

Answer

Sloth and torpor has an underlying current of aversion to it. Being tired and pushing too hard doesn't usually have that undercurrent, but if we are too tired then we often have aversion come as a result of it. In this way sloth and torpor often comes from a bit of aversion whereas being too tired often produces a bit of aversion.

Now if you can catch that difference there, it can be very helpful so that you can guard more against the aversion that comes from being too tired and you can also guard against the sloth that comes from having the aversion. Now when there's a negative feeling in the mind and it's producing sloth and torpor, you just don't want to do it. Trace back what happened. Or ask yourself: Has this come from pushing too hard? Try to remember what you were doing in the last five minutes, the last hour, the last two hours and so on. Just examine for yourself. Have I actually been pushing too hard? And if you can definitely see that you've been pushing too hard, okay that's fine. Then you can figure what the cause of the aversion is and you can try to adjust it, that is part of the practice. But if you cannot see it right now, then more or less what you've possibly got is sloth and torpor coming from, "I don't even want to be here. I have aversion to the moment". Sloth and torpor can also come from boredom. So if you are feeling bored, sloth and torpor can come from that.

The ability to get interest going can be another point to look at. How easy is it for you to do a reflection on "How Fortunate You Are" when you're in this kind of state? How easy is it to get it going? If you don't want to get it going, well, what's the reason for that? If you can get it going again then you may find that sloth and torpor will disappear. So you can adjust that as well. Try to get back to the reflection as fast as you can when your mind is in a sloth and torpor attack or an aversion attack. If you feel there's tiredness involved see what happens. And when you think of the Energy Parami, you think of Energy in general, where does it come from? One of the main ways Energy comes is through interest. If we have interest, we get Energy.

Now the easiest example for most if not all of you is to imagine you've been working flat out with your job for a couple of weeks, it's been extra heavy, it's been overtime every night and weekend work. Now it's a weekend, the job is done, and finally you're going to get the two days off. You go home Friday night and you're absolutely wiped. You're tired as tired as can be, you don't even want dinner. You just want to go home, drink some juice, go straight to bed and you couldn't even care about changing your clothes. You're that tired. Now you get home and on the door is a little note. You pull off the little note. It says, "Hey Steve, haven't seen you for three years. I'm in town just for the night, can we get together?" Are you going to go to bed? No! This is a good friend, you haven't seen them for three years, you want to see them. Tonight, only tonight. Forget it, your tiredness is the first to go. You're going to get interested in seeing that friend. You're going to be able to do it. Almost everyone knows that one. With interest, we get energy

Our apologies if there are any errors in the above text. If anything seems to be wrong or confusing in any way, please feel free to contact the teachers for further clarification.