Let's consider part of the question, "deep doubts about what and how I am doing my work and so on." This is a very important issue for all of you to examine in your life. What are you doing your work for? What do you have a house for? An apartment? What do you have a computer for? What do you have anything for? These are important questions, because if you don't sort out these questions for yourself, doubts will continually arise concerning why you have these things.
In past newsletters we have covered topics that concern how you are living your life and your motivations behind daily living. How are your living your life and what motivates the decisions you make in your life?
Are you just going around in a circle, over and over and over? Or are you using your life, your work, your home, and your daily life as a means to help you grow spiritually? Because if it is not helping you to grow spiritually, then doubts will arise. Why are your doing what you are doing? If it is helping you to grow spiritually, you are not going to doubt what you are doing. For example, Rosemary and I have no doubt that what we are doing is helping us to grow spiritually. That is pretty obvious, as we live our life totally around the Dhamma. There are no doubts arising. Little doubts may arise concerning certain particular issues, but in general we have no doubt about our basic direction or lifestyle.
A past retreatant had an occupation that was not harmful, but it really didn't help them grow spiritually. Consider the words, "not harmful" but "it really doesn't help people to grow spiritually." They tried to convince me that their occupation was quite ok, but I didn't have to be convinced. It is their decision. We don't try to tell people what they have to do in their life but we try to aim them in a direction that will help them make decisions that are beneficial for them. However they tried very hard to convince me that what they were doing was quite ok, yet I could see that it was not helping them to grow, and it could take them in the wrong direction. Especially in the direction of the 8 worldly dhammas, 8 worldly conditions.
So, when doubts come up ask yourself what you are doing it for. What are you doing your job for? What do you have a home for? What are you doing any of your activities for? If you see that it is helping you to grow, the doubt will go away. If you don't see it is helping you to grow, then you might like to keep that doubt and work on it. Maybe change jobs, maybe change homes, maybe change locations. Whatever. These are difficult questions, and I can see some grins on some of your faces. They are very difficult and Rosemary and I never want to take the position of telling somebody what to do. But if you have too many doubts, you are either going to stay in your doubts or you are going to have to change what you are doing in some way.