A Mentor is usually a person we consider wiser than us who gives us advice, who can lead us, who can help us, not always a teacher per se, but it can be a teacher. It can just be somebody we enjoy asking advice from and we enjoy hearing it.
In this case, it sounds like a lot of Dukkha for the person asking this question - establishing a good relationship with someone whom we respect, whom we really like to be around, and then all of the sudden they turn against you. What would it be like for you if I were to write a book and tell all of your stories? What if I expose every one of you, every bit of Dukkha you've ever told me of in interviews, I'm going to sell it for a movie and all sorts of things?!
It'd be terrible wouldn't it? All of the sudden you would lose confidence in Steve, you would just be devastated. Some of you have been students of ours for fourteen years, there are a few of you, ten years or more, eleven years, a few of you, I don't know, whatever. What would it be like to find out I'd turned against you guys. It'd be devastating, it would be absolutely devastating. It's not something that any of you would like to have happen and rest assured I haven't made that movie yet.
So what do we do if it does happen to us? Compassion/Lovingkindness is certainly one direction, but Equanimity is much more important here. Each one of us is the owner of our own Kamma. What does that really mean? Later in the retreat we plan to give you a little meditation, it's part of Buddhist chanting, in which they chant, "I am the owner of my own Kamma. I am born of my Kamma. I am related to my Kamma. I abide supported by my Kamma. Of whatever Kamma I will do, of that I will the heir." Now Christianity has a similar sort of thing "What we sow, later will we reap." Kamma will come back to us. Everyone is the owner of their own Kamma. Now somebody who's been very nice to us, who then turns against us. What's happened? How many of you remember my last general morning talk, I talk about three different things related to myself. One's imagined, I come into the hall, I start beating people up, yelling and screaming. OK, something triggered off in the mind, something strange. One student recently told us that their brother has just been into a mental hospital, something triggered him off. It happens, it happens around the world. So maybe, at times, this person who was a mentor, a good kind person, maybe that's what happens, something triggered off.
Buddhist stories illustrate the same situation, for example, Angulimali, the finger bandit. He was a good kind man, but something triggered off his mind so he went off the wrong way. Yet later with the help of the Buddha, he thankfully reformed and was able and became enlightened. When a person goes off the wrong way you need a lot of Compassion/Lovingkindness for that person.
And, you need a lot of equanimity, too, so you're not so swayed by the disappointment. We've got to reflect that Dukkha could come anytime, anywhere, anybody, anyhow.
Do your Dukkha reflection regularly, expand it. Think of every single type of Dukkha. Think of the Dukkha it could be if Rosemary or me turned against you. Think of it, bring it in. It's another one of the many Dukkhas you may experience. Reflect on it, then you can be ready if it does happen. You expected that it could happen. This is why we want you to reflect on Dukkha, this is why we want you to reflect on death. If you think of every different way that you can die, and then maybe walking along a street, and a car veers up on the sidewalk and smacks you down. You're lying there, you're going to die and you know it, maybe you could think to yourself, "Hey, I always thought it might be this way!" Then maybe you can be present, maybe you can actually be there in a wise way and prepare yourself to die peacefully.
Now with someone who's never reflected on death, what's going to happen to them when they get hit by a car? Probably lots of fear, screaming, yelling, crying. Going into all sorts of unconscious states and whatever, but can we actually be there? Can we prepare ourselves beforehand?
So if you reflect that good kind people can go wrong, then if they do go wrong, you won't be upset, it won't be a big problem for you.
Now how do we deal with the person whom we used to really like and now they've turned against us? Now that we see underneath what we thought was nice all this stuff that is not nice, what can we do then?
We may have to change our job, we may have to leave that environment, it may be too much. The other person might develop too much aversion now that we've actually seen through them. Maybe before they were happy to disguise themselves. Maybe they were happy before and now they're fed up and they turn on us particularly because we've exposed something.
So maybe we do have to leave that environment. This note says "Intrigues, power, fighting, some also physical". Well that's no good. They said "I tried to establish a distance." Yes, a distance may be necessary. Leave that environment, leave the job, if it's occurring in the work place, change where you live, even cities or countries if the other person might develop too much aversion and become too dangerous now that we've actually seen through them.
You just may have to make a big change in life. You won't be the first person who ever walks away from something like that. Keep that in mind, too. The D/D method. A valuable method, it's extremely valuable. It's super! Keep it in mind, you're not the first person who's going to walk from someone who disappoints them.