Ok, the first part about dedication of merits: what happens in doing so, does our good Kamma flow over to others like good energy?
When we're finished with our formal meditation and we do the dedication of merits, we wish that whatever we've done will be of benefit to ourselves and others. A much as we understand, that's helping us develop our mind. Always thinking that what we are doing is to help others, always keeping that perspective in mind. When we are sitting on the pillow and dedicate the merits, maybe nothing happens at all for others, but it definitely happens for us.
Now, looking at it a different way: there are some people, my parents included, who whenever a friend or relative dies, they make a donation to the Children's Hospital, in the name of the person who died.
Now, think about this. The Children's Hospital gets a check, made out for such-and-such amount, for their benefit. It's sent by somebody, but in that note it says that this is in honor, respect, etc. of the person who died. Now, the person who died, do they get that good Kamma? Do they get any good Kamma out of this person's giving of a gift in their name after they died?
When you think about it, if they had not been a nice person to my parents in some way, my parents would've never given a gift in their name. So the hospital gets this and goes, "Oh, it's so nice that they were nice and that this other person gave a gift in their name".
The person who died, don't they get some fruit out of this? Isn't this still part of what their good Kamma was on Earth before they died? That it kept going, in the sense that my parents, because they liked this person, then gave money in their name.
This is an interesting way of looking at Dedication of Merits, that in putting forth an action, based on the dedication, wishing to help, in this sense, they make a donation, and sure enough, the people get the donation and are thinking of the person who died as a nice person. Isn't at least part of the Kamma actually from the person who died?
In Thailand, this is also part of their tradition as the Dedication of Merits comes from Buddhism.
At the very first funeral we went to in Thailand, they had the body in a box, on top of a lot of wood, ready to burn. Before they burnt the body, with about a hundred people there in the big flat area, somebody started throwing coins, just throwing money out.
As they threw the coins, all the kids and beggars were running around and grabbing the money.
I asked the person who was translating for us, "What's going on?" They said "That's in honor of the person who died, that's their money being given to the kids and to beggars.
Now doesn't the person who died get the merit of this? That's what they are believing, because they are giving away some of that person's own money.
Because they have good thoughts for the person who died, good Kamma is being made. Who makes the good Kamma? Their way of thinking is that it's the person who died.
So as far as does our good Kamma flow over to others, like good energy, if you write a check for your loved ones who have died, send it to a hospital, supposedly your good action then really does flow over to the Kammic effect of the people who have died.
The other part of this question, "Or do we only use this as a technique for our own determination?"
My answer before, Yes, when you sit on a pillow and you have these good thoughts, it's definitely your own development that you're working on then.
Then the third part of the question, "Do my parents automatically share my good Kamma even though they might not agree with my way of living?" This I interpret to mean that the parents are still alive. Do they share in your good Kamma? Well, it depends on how you treat them. If you treat them more loving and kind, then they're going to share in it.
Now, lets' go back to that word Wasana, that I brought up a few days ago. A type of personality trait, something that's in us before we were born, influences us in our life. As I mentioned for me personally, I have a Wasana of liking heat, which helped me get to Thailand and live there easily.
If say, our parents are not really interested in meditation, or as they write, "might not agree with my way of living", however, if they are respectful to us enough that they let us do what we are going to do, and if they like the changes, if they see beneficial results, if you are kind when you are home, you clean the dishes, and whatever else, if you do nice things for them, and if they like those changes, then certainly they should develop a nice feeling towards you.
As far as I understand, beneficial conditioning is made. As long as your parent's have a favorable attitude, that's good, that may be the best thing we can give them, a favorable attitude in this life towards Buddhism since they don't actually want to do the practice.
Now, when they die, and if rebirth is true, because there was a favorable attitude in this lifetime towards Buddhism and meditation, then perhaps in their next life, they might be sitting down reading a paper, maybe they're 18 years old, with a beer in their hand, whatever, and they come across an article about Buddhism. And it kind of sucks them in. Were any of you sucked in that way?
Parents automatically share, first they can share if you're a good person, they get benefits straight away. If they develop a pleasant feeling towards you then it may be that years down the line that will fruit, and in that way they share in your good Kamma.