Of course the attachment to loved ones is more difficult. We need to reflect before Dukkha comes so we are more prepared for it and we have the mental strength to deal with it. That's a key element, to actually reflect with wisdom before Dukkha comes. At any time we can die . All of you know that statement. Do you believe it? There's a difference between knowing and believing. You can ask any person on the street whether they know that they can die at any moment, they'll say "Yeah", but do they actually believe it? The answer's, no. So we've got to reflect over and over that at any time I could die, at any time Rosemary could die, at any time my loved ones could die. We have to believe it, we have to know, we have to realize, yes, yes, it can happen.
Now this does not take away from our caring attitude. It actually increases our caring attitude, but it becomes a non-attached caring attitude. We know that we don't own that person. I don't own Rosemary, she might be dead right now. Your mother, your daughters, might be dead right now. We don't know. With that little understanding in our mind that tomorrow they may not be here, then when we're actually with them, we'll treat them in a much better way, we'll treat them in a much more compassionate lovingkind way. We don't want to walk away, both angry at each other. You've all heard me talk about that before, but have you really heard me talk about that before? Have you really contemplated what that means? What does it mean to always walk away from a person knowing that it could be the last time, and that they left okay, they're not mad at you and you're not mad at them.
Now, in particular, how hard is it to always please a kid? Were we always pleased by our parents when we were a kid? It's impossible, right? Whether a kid or adult, we can't always please others. Then the equanimity needs to come in, also, that we don't want to be the cause of a great deal of Dukkha for someone else and then walk away. If there is friction, then let's solve the friction before we walk away. This is a compassionate caring attitude, it makes our relationships richer with everybody. And there's also the understanding that they may not be here tomorrow and that that's going to be okay, because that's something we can't control.
This relates to the last question about fixed happenings, things that are meant to happen. Some people are meant to die at age 3, at age 6, age 15, age 24, people are meant to die at certain ages, we can't stop that. Sometimes we're involved in a situation that actually brings about their death but it was accidental. Whatever happens in general, if we can treat every human being whom we're with, with as much compassion and lovingkindness as we can at this moment, knowing that we may not have another moment, then we're combining the non-attachment with a stronger caring. The people who never reflect on death, they're the types of parents who get angry at their kids, who regularly don't care what the kids think of them.
We once heard somebody tell a story about how her kids, when they were in school, came home one day and told her that two friends got killed at school that day because a car came up on the curb and hit the two of them. Now, think about this for a minute, this is enough Dukkha in and of itself, kids dying at school, but what if the parents had been angry when the kids went to school that morning? What if the parents didn't even want to say goodbye, they were so sick of their kids. How much more Dukkha would the parents feel? Bad enough the kids have died, but if the parents were angry, it's even worse. This is the key to non-attachment and being able to have a really super-loving relationship with our kids, with our family, using the awareness that death may come and they may not be here tomorrow. Then we never get angry at them when they're going off to school, we don't want that sort of goodbye. That's important. This is where non-attachment can help greatly in our relationships.