OK, the D/D Compassion/Lovingkindness method for starters, that's very valuable to use for loneliness. Reflections on the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha, they are ways not to feel lonely. Sit in meditation and shut your eyes, now what's the difference? If I shut my eyes right here and stop talking, do I know if you guys are here or not? It's true, when you shut your eyes and you stop, you could be anywhere, right? A meditator can be anywhere. A meditator can be here with 6 other people, a meditator can be down in the hall with 12 other people, a meditator can be in the middle of Sydney. A meditator can be in their room alone. If we, and this may sound odd, if we are attached to our meditation practice, we're not going to have loneliness so much. This is a healthy attachment. This is the attachment to going inward and knowing that this is really all we've got. Whether you're with a hundred people or not, you're actually always alone. Go to the bathroom, see if someone else will do the work for you, no you've got it all to yourself. You're really alone, and you're going to die alone. When we sit in meditation and shut our eyes, I hope all of you are getting ready for death, because you're alone at that moment. Can you let go of wanting anything at that moment? Sitting in meditation, just doing the work, watching your breathing, doing Compassion/Lovingkindness, you're doing something, busy, right?
Here's something that's interesting, are you ever worried that you're alone, are you ever worried that you're lonely, if you're actually interested in doing something that you like? Interest and loneliness rarely go together, if ever. When a person is lonely, what does that mean, think about it for a minute. They feel lonely. "I want." We want something, we're wanting other people, we're wanting communication, we're wanting fame, we're wanting to be recognized in the eyes of somebody else, we want interaction, we want noise, we want attention.
What if we can try to see meditation as a refuge, learn how to meditate and be attached to the silence, not that we're going to sit there forever and ever of course, but to actually appreciate it.
When I speak about silence in the normal retreat, I say something like, "This is a rare opportunity to actually be allowed to be silent, to be encouraged to be silent." Also I talk about how a lot of people don't understand the value that silence can bring to us. So when we're a meditator and we like meditating, we learn how to appreciate silence, and this helps us to also appreciate being alone.
However, if your loneliness is arising due to feeling isolated from spiritual friends, then send us an email. Communicate, contact your good friends, Kalyanamittas, good kind wise spiritual friends for support. Especially if you're hitting bottom, contact them as quickly as you can. They may encourage you and help you remember your strengths.
However, if you can't find your friend, then you can go inward, with confidence-inspiring objects, remember the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha. They sat down "on the pillow" just like you, years and years ago. Remember your teachers, remember your retreats, remember the faces and the feet of all those other retreatants, and inspire yourself that you're really not alone, even though physically you are.