Often you need a Kalyanamitta, a good, kind, wise spiritual friend. When a person is caught up in mourning and yet doesn't want to get caught up in it, wants to deny the grief that is present, there is often a running away and confusion as to what to do.
When we are caught up in, "Well, I shouldn't really look away from the mourning, but I don't want to look at the mourning," then we are sitting in doubt, aren't we? The best way doubt gets resolved is with a Kalyanamitta who points out some new ways of looking at things. Someone who can point out, what is mourning?
Why should a person be upset when someone else has died or a catastrophe has happened? What benefit is it? Think of the newspaper article we put on the board yesterday. Imagine that you walk in that house with that man. He sees his wife and children dead. He goes into shock. He will scream, he may faint on the floor. If you start crying, standing there just crying, can you help any? Is that grief helpful in any way whatsoever?
Going into grief or mourning for this man won't help. He needs help right now. He is in shock. So by keeping a calm, clear mind with a compassionate heart, we can actually help that man. But if we go into grief and into mourning then it only makes two people who need help instead of one.
When you've got an uncomfortable feeling that you don't want to be in, that you want to turn away from, then you may just need somebody else to talk to. Who can help you to reflect wisely? Go and ask, "Ok, what am I missing here? What wisdom part am I missing?" Because basically, as I said yesterday, every bit of our mental Dukkha comes from attachment to the eight worldly dhammas. Every bit of our mental Dukkha comes from a wrong thought.
This statement is very, very simple, every bit of your mental Dukkha comes from a wrong thought. A right thought makes your mental Dukkha go away. And that's very simple. Hard to do, but very simple! So if you are caught up in mental Dukkha, you've got a wrong thought in there. You can try to figure out which of the eight worldly dhammas you are attached to, you can ask somebody to help you, "What am I doing wrong?". Don't ever be hesitant to ask, "What am I doing wrong?" because even a non-returner -third level of enlightenment - can get stuck and need to ask somebody for help.
There is a classic Buddhist story about a Monk named Anuruddha. He was a cousin of the Buddha, and when the Buddha was enlightened and started teaching people back home, Anuruddha became a Monk. He was very inspired and very quickly reached the third level of enlightenment. And with that level of enlightenment, he also developed psychic powers, in particular, that he could see back in time as far as the Buddha. He equaled the Buddha with this psychic power. He was very happy that he was not only a Non-returner but also had the psychic power. But he couldn't get fully enlightened, he kept working and working, and he just couldn't get there, he couldn't finish the job. He went to Sariputta. Sariputta was the number one Monk for wisdom except for the Buddha. His wisdom was almost as high as the Buddha's, although he didn't have much psychic powers but he had super wisdom. So Anuruddha went to Sariputta and he said, "Sariputta, look. Help me! Help me, I am stuck. I can't see what I am doing wrong. I can't finish the job. I am a Non-returner, I have the psychic abilities to see back in time as far as the Buddha, I match the Buddha in that, but I am still stuck. I just can't see straight, even though I have these wonderful psychic abilities!" Sariputta just looked at him and said, "You're too conceited!" He was attached to his gain of being a person with psychic power. He was simply attached to one of the eight worldly dhammas. As soon as Sariputta said, "You're too conceited," Anuruddha goes, "Ah, got it!" And then he became fully enlightened. So even on that level a person can get stuck and need help. So don't ever be afraid to ask for help.