Question

A friend is so in the moment, but I find he's not there. I feel like I'm talking to no one. Depersonalized, I'm sure he's missing the point somehow.

Answer

In the old students' special teachings Rosemary says, "In some extreme cases, people become attached to their ability to be in the moment and to experience pleasant worldly feeling through the increased sensitivity of the sense contact. They forget that mindfulness also includes clear comprehension of the suitability of our intentions and actions as well, the ultimate beneficial or unbeneficial effect these intentions or actions have on the mind."

There are some people who are so into the moment, that they don't really care who you are or what's going on around them, they are using it as an escape. You know people use alcohol as an escape, drugs as an escape, work as an escape and some people use mindfulness meditation as an escape. It might not be as harmful in some ways, but if it encourages a closing of the heart and more ignorance, then it might be more harmful in other ways.

Rosemary and I use the term "Robot mindfulness" for some people who are too attached to being in the moment, because they haven't got enough compassion and wisdom guiding it.

When we did a very long retreat in America there were over a hundred people and they had a very long dining hall. So the tables were very long and they had individual chairs as you have here, but the tables were attached to each other and down in between two long rows of tables the space was only wide enough that when you push your chair out it would then block the walkway unless you push it back in.

There was one person who seemed to have this "robot mindfulness."

One day I finished eating my meal and put away my dishes. I turned and I was facing right down these two rows of tables. This particular meditator was then getting up very mindfully. They pushed their chair out very mindfully. They stood up very mindfully, they picked up their tray and very mindfully they walked away.

I stood staring at the chair, pushed out in the middle, not pushed back in and sure enough, about 5 seconds later someone else on the other side of the chair got up and started walking in the same direction towards me, pushed the chair in and then walked off.

This was a clear moment of seeing someone who was so absorbed in themselves that they did not have compassion for other people. They were not mindful enough to put their chair back in. This is a danger, this is a big danger of people that are so wrapped up in being in the moment that they're not seeing how their actions can affect others. And often when we talk to them, they are not really there. They are not communicating with us and if they want to talk, they only talk at us. So yes, as far as the practice goes, we feel these people are missing the point, they are using it as an escape. Mindfulness also includes clear comprehension, supported by wisdom and compassion.

Our apologies if there are any errors in the above text. If anything seems to be wrong or confusing in any way, please feel free to contact the teachers for further clarification.