What do you want to change it for? "I am afraid of making mistakes" - what's wrong with that? I don't want to make a mistake. Are you saying, "I have too much fear of making mistakes that it freezes me from doing things"? Let's look at it like that, maybe that's what your asking. I'm so afraid of doing things that I won't even try things even though it may be ok. So I'll approach it this perspective. If you are asking it a different way you can always write another note about it tomorrow or ask in an interview.
Some people are very, very hesitant to do something because they are afraid of the blame that comes if they do it wrong. Afraid of blame, that's a different issue. It's different to being afraid of making a mistake.
I know how to juggle, I learned it many years ago. I got a big, fat book on juggling, and in the beginning on the first page, first paragraph, its says, "If you never drop the juggle balls, it means you're not practicing". And this would be restated often during the book. If you never drop these things it means you're not trying hard enough.
Dropping, do we call that a mistake? When I practiced, yes I dropped them. But it was often practicing something new, something different. Whereas when I was doing just a regular juggle and I got bored I would drop them out of lack of mindfulness. But dropping was part of it. Now imagine, I'm on the beach juggling. And somebody sees me from a distance and I'm trying a brand new trick I have never tried before, something fancy. And I'm dropping it. Every three times I'm dropping it, I'm dropping it. Should I be worried because that person I don't know is going to think I'm a terrible juggler? I'm trying something new. I'm not saying I'm the greatest juggler on the planet; I'm just trying something new. So if somebody thinks I'm terrible that's their problem. This is one way of working around being afraid to make a mistake because of what other people may think of you.
When you came to your first retreat, were you afraid to sit down, were you afraid to walk back and forth, were you afraid because of what people might think? No, because everybody else was doing the same thing. Everyone was sitting together, everyone was standing together, everyone was walking together, so the fear of practicing doesn't normally arise.
Now, go to a bus station in Berlin or New York and sit cross-legged. It's not quite the same thing, is it? People are going to blame you. Once, I left Rosemary alone in Hyde Park in Sydney and within five minutes, after she crossed her legs, she had two Christians telling her she was going to go to hell. So we also don't have to be afraid in those situations either, but we should be cautious and aware that if we do this here some people might blame us. So we learned in Hyde Park that if you want to meditate just open a newspaper, a magazine, sit down on a regular bench, close your eyes and that's all you need to do. But none of the cross-legged business in the middle of Hyde Park.
So being afraid of doing something in a situation where you're going to get blamed, you could work on this in many different ways. But keep in mind that when people blame you, the blame isn't always worth anything.
Now another example when the blame is important. We've been here 17 years, Rosemary and I are basically in charge of the foreigners who help us run the retreats, our assistants. There are things we do not want done here due to being connected to a monastery with monks, nuns and Thai people. So we have clear guidelines and rules of conduct for all visitors and residents.
Now an assistant who is afraid of making a mistake actually has a beneficial quality. It's part of not wanting to cause harm. Part of not wanting blame from us, because that blame could mean something very important to the Center.
We have an understanding of the overview of the whole center and are in charge, being blamed by the boss so to speak, is quite different to being blamed by an average person.
So regarding this issue of being afraid to make a mistake, you need to consider the circumstances, the environment, who is it that you're worried about, who might see you. Is that important, is it not? These are the things you want to think about it in this regard.