Well, going back to a good, kind, wise spiritual friend, a Kalyanamitta, they're there to help us when we have problems. If we're in a bad mood, if we're feeling self-pity, it can be helpful to go to a good, kind friend and ask advice. Now when it's a teacher - student relationship it's easier for the student to throw everything at the teacher because that's part of a teacher's role. When it's your friend, your normal friend, it isn't so easy and it isn't so good to simply throw your big problems onto them. This is not black and white.
One way to get around this is when you talk about your problem is not to actually say it's your problem. "I've got a friend who has got a big problem with such and such. Joe, do you know what could be good for this friend, I can't seem to help them?" You can actually state what your problem is; you have a friend who happens to be yourself. If you're not your best friend, time to start. So you're not totally lying and if you've done this with your friend over and over they're probably cluey enough to know what you're talking about, but you're actually not dwelling on it in a self-pitying, indulging type of way.
When a person says, "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this..." it's very clear whom you're talking about, right? It's very clear they're indulging in self-pity. But if they simply say, "I've got a friend who has trouble with such and such, what would you advise them because I can't figure it out?" it's not clear that they're talking about themselves. So if it's you saying that, asking for advice, you're going to get basically the same sort of advice or a very general type of advice, which might help you. Otherwise if you really feel you have to spill out everything, find your teachers, all of you have good teachers.