One thing is to consider when you're lying down dying and you're taking your last breath, and you know, "This is it, puff, this is it, done...". Assuming we die this way, does what the people around us, think of us, matter? We're taking our last breath now, somebody over here is, saying "Steve, you've been a good person." Somebody over here is saying, "Steve, you've been a jerk." Should I be worried about this praise and that blame? Here we are at praise and blame, two of the eight worldly dhammas, the eight worldly conditions. We're going to talk more about them later in the retreat. Praise and blame are a pair of opposites we meet throughout our life. You've all heard me say that before.
Now, as much as we get caught up in worrying about what others think of us, what does it matter, does it change your Kamma? If people hate me, does it change my Kamma? If people love me, does it change my Kamma? You do something really good, very good, you perform a lot of charity, and somebody comes up to you and praises you, says "That was very good." Does it change your Kamma in any way? No, you did something good that was good, and if people praise you it won't change your Kamma. Now if you did something very good and someone comes up and blames you saying "That was terrible, blah, blah, blah,..." Does that change your Kamma? No, the good thing you did was still good. So let's think - you do something bad and someone comes up and praises you, saying that was wonderfully good. Does that change your Kamma? No, what you did that was bad is still bad, and so on.
We want to reflect in this way, that we're the owner of our own Kamma and what we're doing is going to dictate the result. We don't want to get caught up so much in what other people think of us, or as it goes, are expecting of me.
Many years ago, we had been teaching I think about 5 years at that time, we were back home visiting my parents and an old friend of the family was visiting. He had known me when I was a little kid, and he knew that I had been a very good swimmer. His daughter had been on the swimming team, too. He also knew that I had been a very good coach when I was a younger man and he asked me what I was doing. I told him, and he said, "Oh what a shame, you were such a good swimmer." That was what he was expecting of me, he was expecting me to be a coach, he didn't want me to be a meditation teacher. He wanted me to be a coach. Now, should I take that on as a worry and concern? This man knew me when I was a kid, he was a nice man, etc. Should I worry about what he expects of me? No, because what he expects of me is going to take me in a direction that's not as good as what I'm doing. So if you logically, clearly and realistically look at what you're doing, that's what's important. What other people want of you, what they are thinking of you is not important.
So how can you let go of these thoughts? Lot's of this practice, especially the Mental Noting, is designed to help you let go of these thoughts. Just to do formal meditation itself, sitting down, closing your eyes. How often do you sit there and wonder, "Is the person behind me judging my posture?" If you're really floppy, then maybe they are, of course, and maybe you want to sit up straight. But really if you're already sitting fine and you're just doing the practice as you're supposed to be doing it, then we're not going to get caught up in thoughts about this person over there thinking, "I am this way, that person thinks my nose is too big, that person thinks it's too short, whatever,..." All that extra stuff - we're going to mentally note "thinking, thinking", and come back, "wandering, wandering", and come back. So you're actually going to practice just with the simple mental noting technique of letting go of worrying about what people think of you. That's one part of it.
Developing more contentment. If you're content with who you are then you actually don't need praise. To feel content. Many people need praise, they want people to say, "You're good, Steve, you're good, Steve..." But if you're content with who you are, then you're not worrying about wanting to get praise. You're not wanting their advice, wanting their good wishes or whatever else. So how to develop more contentment?
The practice helps you to develop more contentment. For contentment with your food, do food reflection. Contentment with how fortunate you are. Everyone of us here, I assume, for the men we are not Mr. Universe, for the women you're not Miss Universe or Mrs. Universe or whatever, right? There was always somebody smarter than us in school, or more beautiful, or more handsome, or a better athlete, or this or that. There's always somebody above that, right? But can we be content with what we are because we've got so much, each one of you has so much compared to the whole world. How many in the world have the Dhamma? When you reflect on how fortunate you are, that gives you more contentment. And lots of the other techniques give you more contentment, which help you to let go of worrying and thinking about what other people may think of you.