Equanimity is again a balance, not going too far to the right, not going too far to the left, not wanting, wanting, not hating, hating. When we relate it to Determination/Resolution it looks like we are close to that energy question before and not having too much pressure because Determination or Resolution are really the same word, one of the Paramis.
A New Year's Resolution is an easy way to explain this. Coming New Year's we decide, "I shouldn't be doing such and such", "I'm going to change that" or "I am going to do this even better", whatever it is, you make a resolution. okay, we do need Equanimity with our resolutions, otherwise we can go off balance. We can start having too many ideals about, "Ah, I want to do it better, I want to do it better, I want to do this and I want to do this," and this may not be a realistic goal.
Some of the problems may come from the fact that your boyfriend, or your girlfriend is not a meditator. You have a Determination to do a certain thing but your partner doesn't want to do that. This would be a clear case where you need more Equanimity in your relationship with your partner. An example; you are determined not to use alcohol and drugs again but your partner still wants to have it. What are you going to do? okay, you can get a new partner, that's one choice. The other choice is to have Equanimity with your partner for now, hoping that they will quit if you quit. But you have to be determined to stay with your resolution so that you can be more free of a particular sense desire which isn't actually necessary, and interferes with inner peace and happiness. So you may have to have more Equanimity, even if it is not with your partner, friends and children.
How many of you have changed from when you started meditating? I would say probably most of you have changed in some way, and some of your friends and relatives don't always like the change. So even though you resolved to go in a certain direction, your friends and relatives don't really want you to go that way. I regularly have this problem, this challenge in Australia. The fact that all of the relatives we have on that side of the family are typical Australians and they will enjoy alcohol. "Steve, want a beer?" I get it regularly, "Steve, want a beer, want a beer?". They know I don't drink, for thirty years I haven't had a drink.
So, I have the determination not to drink, and I need to have Equanimity with them saying to me, "Steve, want a beer?" They might change, maybe. An interesting thing once, one of them said, "One of these days I'll get you to have a drink with me." And his wife, who also enjoys alcohol, interjected, "And why would Steve have to do that?" And I thought, "Ooooh! Good, that was nice.
So, Equanimity with other people, in particular, when you make a resolution to go in a different direction, that's very important.
Now, Equanimity is also related to Truthfulness: I could use the same example if we are truthful to our direction then we have to have Equanimity with other people. I'm going to see if I can flip out a different example... Truthfulness to our direction? okay, when you "fall down".
You are truthful to your direction, you have your direction, how often do you "fall down"? "I'm aware again, it has only been three weeks!" You need Equanimity with your falling down, right? We'd rather not fall down - but there is no use kicking yourself for it. There is no use beating yourself up for it. If you are truthful to your direction, you are going to start again.
Start again without hating yourself, have Equanimity that you fell down. You missed your practice for a while. You got angry at your mother, father, whatever, "Oh, no!", you blew it, that was not your direction, that was not the Truthfulness of your direction. okay, have Equanimity at that time, yet have Compassion for yourself, too. Equanimity in this sense, whenever you fall down, has to go hand in hand with Compassion and Lovingkindness for yourself and that balance is so important that it is one of your reflections. So, to develop that balance is very important, especially if your Truthfulness goes off.
Now, what about in the sense that you actually lie, when you use your speech in a wrong way and you break that part of Truthfulness. Well, still again, you've strayed from your inner direction, gone off the path. Try to have Equanimity, realize that you've made a mistake , have Moral Shame to acknowledge, "Yes, I blew it, I blew it." But then make the determination that now you are going to try not to blow it again in the future.
If you fail in your Truthfulness, Equanimity can help you not hate yourself for making a mistake, which just adds more self-aversion or doubt to the situation. It just multiplies the whole thing, you end up with a multiple hindrance attack. If you blow your Truthfulness, okay, acknowledge it, have the Moral Shame, have Compassion and forgive yourself but keep it balanced with Equanimity that allows you to investigate and understand with wisdom the causes that brought it about so you can hopefully prevent doing it again in the future.