Question

In one of the Suttas, amongst others, "misconduct in sensual pleasures" is listed as wrong action, however as a lay person we still enjoy sense pleasures in varying degrees. How can we do it in a wise way and not get into misconduct?

Answer

The misconduct in sensual pleasures has two different levels. There are the lay peoples, and the monk's and nun's. Monks and nuns are supposed to be totally celibate within Theravadin Buddhism. Lay people don't have to be celibate. With monks and nuns it's very clear that as far as sex goes they have to not do it. As to sensual pleasures, other types of pleasures, we are all trying to limit craving of all of all sorts of pleasures, especially ones which cause harm to ourselves and/or others, so we can have more peace of mind.

As to sexual misconduct as far as lay people go, the Buddha did give a basic code of ethics which is not dissimilar to what any of you already know. That's not to have adultery affairs, not to have sex with people too young, people who have not consented, such as in rape cases and things like that. So, in general he gave very similar rules and requirements that our society in a sense normally lives by.

Now, how can we enjoy sense pleasures in a wise way and not fit into misconduct: Getting to the compassionate intention, not wishing to cause harm, and that includes not wishing to cause harm to yourself. Not wanting to get caught up. One typical sense pleasure is ice-cream. What happens when you get involved in it in an unwise way? Does your stomach get so full that you feel sick? Yeah, that would be one way, so moderation is a method in which to stop sense pleasures from getting off-balanced. Moderation, how much do you actually need? When do you actually need it, as well?

For me, personally, it was almost mindboggling the first time in my life that I refused ice-cream. I was a typical young energetic fellow who did a lot of sport and I could eat and eat and eat, and never get fat. But when I was about thirty-three years old I refused ice-cream for the first time in my life. I was full. I knew I was full. I knew I didn't need it. And the guy I was eating with couldn't believe it because he was another fellow my age and he liked to eat ice-cream, like me. We were both hard workers on a road gang and we were at his home for lunch. He just couldn't believe I was refusing it. But I simply knew I was full. I didn't eat it. If I ate it, I would hurt my stomach so it was out of compassion for myself, I didn't eat it.

So this is something to add into anytime that you are getting caught up in a sense pleasure in an unwise way, look at the Dukkha that comes to you, or the Dukkha that comes to somebody else. Have compassion for yourself, have compassion for that Dukkha and you are going to find that your desires and cravings which lead you into problems will slowly lessen.

Our apologies if there are any errors in the above text. If anything seems to be wrong or confusing in any way, please feel free to contact the teachers for further clarification.