: In the beginning it is a very difficult to open to this reality that our loved ones will die, and this is a reality. Even the Buddha died. Most people will try to escape from this reality. However, by trying to not think about it, we don't prepare ourselves for the actuality of it when it does happen. Even though we may die before them, we would still have to leave them. If we want to die peacefully, then letting go of the attachment at that time is going to be very important to us. So by being able to open to this truth in life we get to see our attachment, and then we can learn ways of transforming it into unselfish emotions. This helps us get the strength within our mind to prepare ourselves for the inevitability of our own death and parting from those we love.
It's good to see our fear. Learning how to deal with fear is part of the practice of opening to the fear. We learn how to see the fear within ourselves using our mindfulness, and allow Compassion to arise for ourselves, then universalizing it. The universalizing technique is very important in this situation, so that we just don't focus on "me" and "my" loved ones," but understand the universal aspect of this. We can then let our mind go back a hundred years. Imagine all the people at that time, alive, with loved ones. They don't want to part with them. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, lovers… ask yourself this question: "How many of these people are alive now?" And we can imagine all the millions of people in the world today, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, lovers… and ask ourselves: "In a hundred years, how many of these people will be alive?" And so it will be in the future, and so it was in the past. Opening to the universal aspect of death allows more universal compassion to arise for the human condition. We also understand that we are part of this human condition. This gets us beyond ourselves into opening to Compassion, the unselfish emotion.
Another way to get beyond difficulties of "me" and what may happen when "my" loved ones die is to reflect on the good qualities of your loved ones. So that when they die, we can think about their happiness and peace, rather than "I have lost a loved one." In Buddhism it is considered that when people are dying or have just died they may be aware of you. They may be aware of your reactions. Can we go beyond our own feelings of loss to think of them? How would we help them? It is very common in Thai society to talk about the person's good actions and generate sympathetic joy at that time, thinking and talking about them.
So the more we focus on the unselfish emotions in our normal life, thinking of others rather than just ourselves, and developing more Compassion/Lovingkindness for our loved ones and ourselves, then the more we learn how to depend on ourselves, and build the powers in the mind that will be able to deal with the inevitability of parting. Not that grief won't arise, we are all human, and we don't expect anybody to be an Arahant. However, it may not last as long, and when it does arise we can transform it. We have the tools to transform it.
This is using the Four Noble Truths, seeing Dukkha, seeing that when we try to cling to things that are not really ours, we suffer. The more we can accept that nothing is ours, the more we don't view our loved ones as ours. We come together for a short while, we try to live as well as we can, like a short dance, a dance in life together, and then we go on. And every dance ends. We may not want it to end, but it does.