We balance it by considering what is appropriate and beneficial. In relationship to this, shortly after we became Buddhists in Australia, we went to visit my parents in America. We didn't eat after noon. We didn't eat dinner. We took breakfast and lunch, but we didn't have anything at night. So, when we joined my parents, we didn't eat, and they did. We sat down, and we didn't eat, and they did. And we'd sit there for 20 minutes, and we didn't eat, and they did. And I repeat that over again, because that's how awkward it was. Our seriousness of not eating after noontime was interfering with the lifestyle that we were actually involved in and the hospitality of my parents in particular. So we lightened up after that.
Now whenever we're overseas we almost never eat a lunch, or we eat very little lunch, and we eat dinner with the people. We eat breakfast, but we skip lunch and that works very well. So we had to adjust what we felt was very serious, our private practice, to a more light way of living. So this is important. Yes, here keep silence during your meals. But if you are eating with your folks, don't be silent. Don't put it onto them, it's too much.
For so many people on the whole planet, when sitting down for a meal, it's the one time the family gets together in a day, especially at dinnertime. It's the one time they get to share. The sharing is more important than eating your food. So focus on a different aspect of the practice at that time of lovingkindness rather than mindfulness of eating. This may mean perhaps you eat less but it doesn't matter if you go hungry. If you share with them at the dinner table it's more important than eating anything at all. Don't get too involved in the serious part of the practice, where it's not appropriate for the environment. This is what we have to look at regularly.
Now, say you are at work, at a job place. The day before yesterday at the 1.30 talk, I said that during the working meditation time you have a chance the slow down and use the practice. You don't have to rush, rush, efficiency and all that. But you can't do that in your normal life very often.
Some of you have heard the story of a friend of ours in Australia. He got a job opening and closing the gates on a car ferry. His job was to open and close the gates every 15 minutes. And he did it very slowly, very, very mindfully. He was with it the whole time. Slow and mindful… and got fired! He was too slow. So we have to know what is appropriate in our normal life, to adapt to each situation, not clinging to one aspect of our "serious practice."
To a certain extent, we also teach all of you to be mindful when opening and shutting doors, yet we don't say do it slow, and we don't say do it fast. You can obviously do it slow here, but in your normal life it's going to be at a quicker pace. We want to be able to be serious and mindful at a quicker pace, too. We want to be serious and mindful when we walk down the street. But our mindfulness has opened up, we're listening for cars, listening for motorcycles, watching out for possible dangers, whatever. But here during walking meditation in the walking tracks, you can be slow and mindful, you don't have to worry about all of that. So you have to adjust your scope, you have to adjust your mindfulness to be small or big, depending on the environment you're in. So lighten it in that way.
A lot of this is by trial and error, by practice. A lot of things are not black and white. If you gave me specifics in an interview I might be able to relate to that and explain to you what to do otherwise. But by and large, it is the matter of practicing it in the retreat, training training, training, and then keeping that training going mornings and evenings in your normal life. Then during the day, as much as you can, work on some special mindfulness activities. You might work on them a little slower at first but then do them at a regular pace. So the whole practice becomes more automatic. And when it becomes more automatic, it actually becomes lighter, also. It's not something that we are trying so hard to do. It's become part of us. So that's something to work towards.