- How to accept it better? - Reflect on it, reflect on it, reflect on it. I can't stress that enough. The people who are not ready for Dukkha are the people who don't think about Dukkha. How many people plan for a picnic, "Isn't it great, we are going to have a picnic on Saturday, it is going to be sunny and we will have so much fun," and they are so excited and then comes Sunday and it rains. And they have a lot of Dukkha, because they didn't think, "Well, ok, what should I plan if it rains?"
When Rosemary and I got married, we got married outside. In a nice big park, a beautiful park. Besides the big grassy area we also rented a pavilion next to it, so that in case it rains we had this great big pavilion to get married inside. So even before we met the Dhamma we had that one figured out. But to reflect that Dukkha can come anywhere, anytime, to anyone, in anyway, to reflect that it is coming, this brings more acceptance when it does happen.
One of the neatest little emails we ever got from anyone came on the first day of a retreat at Wat Kow Tahm. One of our old students, they had done a few retreats, even been an assistant for one or two seasons, broke his arm. He broke his arm falling off a bike, he didn't break his leg, he didn't break any other part of his body, he broke his arm. The reason why he found it so neat was because on day 1 evening I talk about breaking an arm. And he was writing this email about how he reacted so well to it, because he was reflecting that you can have a broken arm any time, anywhere, and he did! So this was kind of neat to read and then to tell the people that night. This person was ready for a broken arm, can you be ready for a broken arm, can you be ready for being quadriplegic? Think about it, can you be ready for it?
I feel very fortunate in my basic occupation, that if I am quadriplegic, I can still do what I am doing. You won't get my arm moving, but I can still be a Dhamma teacher, I can still meditate myself, I can still try to open my heart, I can try to be patient, peaceful. I can still do what I am doing now, even though I lose the use of my body. Now, can you be ok, if you lose your body tonight? Most people can't be. But if you reflect on it over and over, what would you do if you became quadriplegic? If you are ready for it and it does happen, then you will be able to accept it, you won't have all that extra anger and fear around it.
You have to reflect on Dukkha, you have to reflect on it for an hour from time to time, you have to think of different systems, go through the alphabet with body parts, go through the mental side with discomforting thoughts, anger and so on, go through the ages, what can happen at different ages. If you don't know what will happen with these older people, go and hang out at a retirement village for a day. At the center where my mother lives, anybody can come and visit for a day, there are so many lonely old people sitting in the lobby just hoping some young person would sit down and talk with them. I am sure there will be centers like that in your home country.
Go to a hospital, visit some people, learn what it is like from their voice, what it is like to be diseased, to be old, to lose their loved ones, whatever is their problem. And then you can reflect better on that type of difficulty. Because for many of you, you don't have that many physical problems, all of you here have your both arms, both legs. We have had other students who had lost one arm, who had lost one leg, we had students who were virtually blind, we have had a person who had leukemia and he was dead one year later after doing the retreat. So if you don't know enough about the Dukkha of other people, it can be very helpful, go to a hospital, to a nursing home, talk to them, sit with them and chat, let them have somebody they can talk to.
What does Rosemary say on Day 10 of the retreat - "Other people may be in need for an ear to hear their fear." Just to be there and listen to them can be a great learning experience, and it can help you to open more to Dukkha and be able to accept it better.