I take on the training to refrain from wrong conduct in sexual relations. What does it mean? In the scriptures part of it is defined as having sex with minors and people under the protection of others, because they haven't got the worldly knowledge to be able to engage in these sorts of relations, and sex is a very powerful action. Also they can be abused by others, because of their innocence.
If a person is married then they are also off limits. Why? Because it can cause a lot of suffering. You only have to look into the world where free sex is advocated, and families are breaking down. Children are left without parents to look after them. Personally I have some friends who thought, "Oh, this is great, we can have free sex, oh, you can go off and have an affair with somebody else, so long as you don't bring home Aids." And ok, they did have the affair, but they ended up leaving their partner. Believing you can have sex without consequences is not so wise. Sex has an effect on people, we can't take it lightly, so if a person is in a relationship we feel compassion to the people in the relationship, we try to respect that. We don't want to cause harm with our sensual pleasures.
What about marriage? For me? Is that what you mean? - After 35 years, yes, it is worth it for me. Marriage is a commitment, and some people don't believe in the power of that commitment or marriage. Sometimes if you are married it means making that commitment ( a determination) to go through difficulties and not just go off when things get difficult. It's an opportunity to grow and deepen the relationship.
However I don't believe people who are in an abusive relationship should stay in it. Personally I have a friend who we tried to get to leave her husband when she was in her twenties, because he was physically abusing her. But when we left the area she didn't have someone to help her, and only recently I found out that she finally left her husband, because she was afraid she was going to get murdered. So I don't believe in staying in a marriage that is abusive.
But many times people don't make that further commitment to grow together. Often times when you go through different ages in life and different experiences in life, things are not so easy. It is up to each of us to try to grow and learn through life, and if you have a good partnership each of you can help each other in this. So making that commitment helps us to remember to grow when we meet with difficulties, and not just leave when it is not as we imagined it would be.
What about free sex? There's nothing free from consequences in this world. Everything has Kammic consequences. There was a saying in the sixties that there's not such things as a free lunch. In the sixties, there were a lot of ideas, you know, like throw out all the rules, have free sex, make love not war and everything will be better. Sure, there were a lot of strange, unwise rules back then. However, unfortunately they didn't replace it with any deeper knowledge and seeing. They threw out the rules, but forgot to replace them with the love that they professed they wanted - apart from a few of us who got into Eastern religion or deeper ethical conduct, such as many Western teachers of Buddhism, who are products of that time.
So free sex, no, there is no such thing as free sex, as far as I understand. There are always Kammic consequences to our actions, speech and thoughts. And often times when you talk about free sex there's a lot of considering the person as an object to satisfy our desires, rather than as a human being that we have to try to approach with lovingkindness and compassion. Understanding that everything we think, say and do will have a result for ourselves and for others.
We need to be careful with our sexuality, because we may think we can just have it and that is the end of it, but it does have an effect on the other person. We may encourage attachment in someone else at that time and then there's a lot of suffering involved in that.