Yes, Compassion and Equanimity - a very delicate balance that's difficult for many to find. We need to have the methods to develop this balance, because if we have too much Equanimity, it falls into indifference, if we have too much Compassion it falls into grief.
First investigate to see whether we really care, because if we attempt equanimity first, it's too easy fall into indifference, and most people are not caring. Investigate to make sure we really do care, especially if we want to help people. Otherwise our reactions to anyone having difficulties may be influenced by the normal negative response to Dukkha. Most people don't want to accept Dukkha. They may want others to change, because they want the Dukkha to just go away, which is non-acceptance of the First Noble Truth - that Dukkha exists.
I believe being able to open to Dukkha is the first step toward getting a healthy balance between Compassion and Equanimity. We need to check whether we really do care, and are not just reacting to Dukkha, not accepting that Dukkha exists.
Otherwise, we may unknowingly be motivated by a wish to impose our will on the world or others; our wrong view of the world, and not accept that there are many things beyond our power to control.
So we have to make sure that we really care, and I'm emphasizing this, aren't I, because it's extremely important.
If I had my preference, I'd first wish for people to care too much rather than care too little, because there's too many not caring enough in the world, right now.
So, how do we get to the place of caring? Try to identify with the humanness of our subject. They're a human being just like us.
Using our understanding of the practice of investigating into the Five Hindrances, helps us get beyond personality clashes to see the universality of the Dukkha that comes from ignorance of Dukkha and feeding the Hindrances. In the Fourth Foundation of Mindfulness we're instructed to investigate the Hindrances both internally, in ourselves, and externally - in others.
This enables us to see and investigate the Four Noble Truths. "What Dukkha do we see?" Going to the Second Noble Truth, "Where does the Dukkha come from?" And asking ourselves, "What do I know about ending Dukkha?"
If we don't get to Right View first, we may just react to the Dukkha, reject it and turn away from it and then we'll be unable to step onto the Noble Eightfold Path of walking to the end of it.
Without Right View and Right Intention, we can't actually get to the balance, this middle way between Compassion and Equanimity.
So we have to investigate into the Hindrances externally by asking, "What Hindrances are present?" instead of thinking, "This person's bothering me, and I want them to change".
If we try to force people to change, people normally just get defensive and resist us.
If we use the Four Noble Truths it enables us to see beyond our individual personalities to understand the Four Noble Truths: 'This is Dukkha'; 'What is the cause of it?' 'What Hindrance are they attached to?'; 'What Hindrance and ignorance are they reacting to?', the cause of that Dukkha. After we understand the Hindrance, we ask how that Hindrance feels in me. It's Dukkha. When we see the Dukkha, compassion can arise and also the wish for the ending of it.
When we have compassion for someone we have the right intention towards them - we care. But we also need to have wisdom concerning how or if the Dukkha can end and who is responsible for ending the Dukkha.
We may know methods to help them make Dukkha fade away, but do they want those methods? Do they want to listen to us or accept the world as it is? Do we have the power to change the world?
We have to accept that Samsara is unsatisfactory, but most people don't accept that, do they? They want the world to be a happy, beautiful place where everything is as they wish it to be, but Samsara is not like that, it's unsatisfactory. Can we accept that? Even the Buddha couldn't change Samsara. He showed the way to transcend Samsara, not change it. "By protecting ourselves we protect others". By changing ourselves, we influence others.
So, how do we get to this place of accepting Dukkha? Through understanding, we have Compassion for ourselves. If we don't accept Dukkha, we suffer. Compassion for ourselves. Coming back again and again to having Compassion for ourselves . If we don't accept the world as it is, and Samsara as it is, we suffer. Compassion for ourselves.
It's difficult sometimes, because we separate ourselves 'over here', and the rest of humanity 'over there'. We don't see that we're also part of human existence. By understanding that we're also part of it, we can have Compassion for ourselves. If another person is already suffering, well, that's one person's suffering. Do we add ourselves to their Dukkha? If we don't have Equanimity, we will. Then there's more Dukkha in the world, we don't help it fade away. Equanimity is important to strengthen our Compassion, so that we actually have the capacity to open to the Dukkha in the world or others, without it overwhelming us. Then we can help more effectively by knowing the true causes of Dukkha, how it comes to be, how it fades away, and realize that there are many things in this world beyond our power to control. It's hard enough to control our own mind, let alone everybody else's in the world, isn't it? And it doesn't usually work to try to impose our will on others, does it?
So how do we get to Equanimity? This depends a great deal on Wisdom. Understanding the Three Characteristics of Existence: Impermanence - because things are impermanent they can't be totally ours, can they? And, because of that, it's unsatisfactory, Dukkha. If we try to make things that are impermanent, permanent, we suffer. If we try to make things that are inherently not ours, ours, we suffer.
Understanding these three characteristics, we realize, yes, we cannot make Samsara satisfactory; make impermanent things permanent; make things that are inherently Dukkha satisfactory, and things that are not ours, ours. This helps us to come to a place of Equanimity, a mind that doesn't believe that we can change the world and others. They have to consent to wanting our help. Even then, we cannot do it for them, can we? We can only point the way. The Buddha only pointed the way, too. He couldn't save people by enlightening them. The only way he could help to enlighten them was to point the way, and they had to walk the path out of Dukkha themselves.
Another way to develop Equanimity is to understand Kamma - Right View.
Understanding the Law of Kamma, we realize that everything arises due to prior causes and we may not have the power to prevent or stop the results of past causes until the causes have been eliminated.
For example: During the time of the Buddha, there was a prince who was influenced by Devadatta, the cousin of the Buddha. Devadatta was very jealous of the Buddha and even tried to kill him. Well, Devadatta tried to influence this prince because conceited people like to have power. The way Devadatta sought power was to influence powerful people. So, he convinced this prince to kill his father so he could become king. However, later on in life, the prince, who was now the king, was very unhappy. He probably had a lot of regret. So he decided to go and listen to the Buddha.
While he was listening to the Buddha, confidence and faith arose in him. After the Buddha finished His teaching, the new King proclaimed that he would be a lay follower for the rest of his life. Well, all of the followers of the Buddha were very happy at this, because that meant, because of his influence that all of his subjects would have a better life. In contrast, the Buddha expressed neither pleasure nor displeasure at this occurrence. After the King left, the followers of the Buddha, asked the Buddha why He hadn't expressed an opinion, neither pleasure nor displeasure, and the Buddha said to them, "If the prince had not killed his father, he would have become fully enlightened with that teaching."
So, if the Buddha couldn't break through some people's Kamma, or the Kamma of countries, or the Kamma of the world, what of ourselves?! So, humility helps, doesn't it?
But, Humility doesn't mean self-depreciation. It means a humbleness that is supported by confidence. There's another balance here: confidence and humbleness. Without confidence we depreciate ourselves, or criticize ourselves, and that's not very helpful. With a healthy self-confidence, we can be humble because we're not threatened at any of our limitations, such as the limitations of our influence or ability. So a healthy self-confidence helps in developing Equanimity which is not surprising since the Four Brahma Viharas are: Compassion, Lovingkindness, Sympathetic Joy, and Equanimity.
Sympathetic Joy with ourselves helps us to come to a certain amount of confidence, which supports Compassion, which in turn supports Lovingkindness and Equanimity. Equanimity stops Sympathetic Joy from falling into giddiness, conceit, and craving (wanting only pleasure). Equanimity balances Compassion, and Lovingkindness, and Sympathetic Joy.
Coming back to Equanimity and Compassion, how do we get to understanding Kamma? This is the wisdom practice, understanding the law of cause and effect which is aided by developing mindfulness and clear comprehension of cause and effect as it arises in ourselves: that everything we think, say and do has a result.
You want a certain result; you have to sow a certain cause. It's quite impersonal - the third characteristic of existence. So, if you want more Equanimity, you need to first contemplate the Dukkha of the subject in order to get to Compassion. Then, in order to balance it with Equanimity, instead of a Lovingkindness reflection, we go to an Equanimity reflection, "They are the owner of their own Kamma". This helps to balance it. This equanimity meditation is not given to people who have no understanding of how to first develop compassion. We have "To care, and not to care", but caring comes first, that's why we say it first: "To care, and not to care". The "not care" does not mean indifference, but not caring about our lack of influence and ability to change the nature of things. We accept things as they are. Balancing our Compassion with Equanimity.