Okay, moaning, for those of you who don't know, is kind of complaining about things. In the answer to one of yesterday's questions, I talked a bit about reflecting on how fortunate you are and how that's opposite to being depressed and so on. Well, it's also the opposite of wanting to moan about things. Moaning is complaining: "I'm no good. I don't have this. I don't have that. I'm not healthy today," and on and on and on. So a person who moans is always looking at what they don't have. When you reflect on how fortunate you are, you're looking at what you do have. So they're opposites.
Now, when you're with a person who is a moaner, you want to open your heart. You want to have Compassion/Lovingkindness for the person, but you also want to have Equanimity. If you can't help them get out of their mental state, then you have to let them stay in their mental state. So you have to allow them to moan. This happens a lot with older people. It happened a lot in my life with one elderly relative, in particular. He would moan when he was old, when he was sick, when he was injured. He didn't have any mental tools to help himself with. He didn't know what to do mentally, so I had to accept that that's who he is. I couldn't change him. He was too old, and he didn't want to change, so I needed to have more Equanimity combined with my Compassion/Lovingkindness.
With Compassion/Lovingkindness, it's not enough just to wish them well. Sometimes we still think inside, "But they shouldn't moan!" So we have to get rid of the idealism that they shouldn't moan. Much of the world moans. Lots of the world moans. Ninety percent maybe, I don't know, especially in the West. One time many years ago, we were with two relatives who were both complaining about the taxes: "The government's taking too much money, the government's taking too much money." Well, one of them had a home on three acres in the suburb of a big city. Three acres in the suburb of a big city! They had a swimming pool in the backyard, a tennis court in the back yard. You can understand how rich they were. And they moaned and complained about the taxes taking their money. This was a person we could not do anything to help, so we had to have Equanimity with them, and have Compassion/Lovingkindness for them and their state of mind. Equanimity helps us to stay more calm and peaceful. We don't have to get upset. We don't have to get angry that this person should not moan, because that's our idealism thinking the world should be different. So, to deal skillfully with somebody who is a moaner is to have a lot of Equanimity in regard to that person. If they don't want to change, you're going to have to allow them to be that way.
Now, this bit about not appearing uppity or condescending. After you say one or two words to them, trying a little to help them out of their problem, back off. Just back off and have that Equanimity. If you're going to tell them, "You shouldn't moan. Come on, get out of it. You have so much. You have this. You have that," and they're not interested, then, yes, you're going to appear to be a bossy person who's condescending and it'll be your wanting to change them that'll be the problem. The world is not perfect. Most of the human beings out there haven't got the slightest interest in meditation practice, or in developing themselves. At least most of the people I know... outside of here, I should say. I know six thousand people here who are interested in these things, but most of the people out there are not interested. We need more Equanimity and back off if we don't want to appear like we're uppity and condescending.