It has to be a complete approach here. First of all, we have to look at our level of Morality and see what actions, speech, and thoughts we are habitually doing in our life. To see whether these are constantly causing us to have guilt and regret. If we continue to do unskillful actions, speech and thoughts and then try to make up for it in our practice by building up or thinking about some of the good things we do, we're still feeding the causes of the self-hatred and the guilt and then it's very difficult to overcome it. So we have to take a very balanced approach to this. To look at our Morality, to look at how we are living, so that we can look into our actions, speech and thoughts, and see which actions, speech and thoughts on the Morality level are causing us to suffer.
In addition, using awareness to look into these things and seeing how we could perhaps not get into similar situations where our speech, actions and thoughts are causing us regret. We need to bring up the effort to prevent and examine our life to try to stop ourselves getting into similar patterns that cause us to have guilt. Trying not to continue to do the unskillful things that we regret and having to go through the whole process of forgiving and trying to have compassion for ourselves again and again. It's not just about the effort to let go.
Remember there's Four Great Efforts, the effort to prevent, to let go, to develop and to maintain. Many meditators are only focusing on the effort to let go which in itself, does not stop these things arising.
Until such time as we can see the wrong view that keeps us acting, thinking and speaking in certain ways and seeing that these wrong views are where we need to put in the effort, we need all four efforts, not just the effort to let go. Of course, we do continue with the effort to let go of these things, but we also need to develop more wisdom and see how we can prevent these situations. Perhaps by a change of lifestyle or being more cautious with our actions and speech. Trying to bring up more body awareness so that we can gain insight into our patterns. That's bringing forth the effort to prevent.
If we're working on this level and trying to develop understanding, then we can also take joy with our efforts, helping to build a certain amount of confidence in ourselves. Knowing that we are trying, we are at least trying. Also letting perfectionism, the feeling that we have to be perfect today or tomorrow or even yesterday. Because It doesn't work that fast, we need Patience and Compassion with the process of changing.
If we make a mistake, then we observe and see we have made a mistake. Like in the process of Forgiveness meditation, we look and see, we take responsibility. We try to see what views and actions may have brought it about so that we can try to prevent it arising in the future. This is using the Four Noble Truths, to see the Dukkha and to see how it came about. However, we don't have take it on as a self and freeze ourselves in that moment. We see Cause and Effect.
Through this cause we brought this result and then through compassion to the person we are at that time, we try to bring up wise view, so that we don't continually fall into these patterns again. Taking responsibility having compassion for ourselves. Learning how to forgive ourselves for those mistakes. Asking forgiveness if it's necessary so that the other person realizes that we have seen what we may have done or said, if we caused suffering for somebody else. This allows us to feel good about the efforts we are trying to do, to change, to lessen the tendency to fall into these feelings of guilt. Realizing that we're a changing process.
Forgiveness for ourselves usually arises after we have Compassion for ourselves, seeing and understanding that, yes, we do still have ignorance. However, if we are trying to have good intentions towards ourselves and trying to change some of those things that cause us and others to fall into suffering, we can take some Sympathetic Joy with our efforts. Many people in the world are not even trying! It's wonderful that your trying to lessen your own and other people's suffering. Try to take joy with that intention. This is Sympathetic Joy meditation. Taking joy with our efforts. Even though we think, "I should have been perfect yesterday", It doesn't usually work that fast! Try being patient in the process.
In Addition, try not to only focus on the negative things that we have done, as some people do, in forming a self-image. A lot of people select all the negative things that they have done and think about them, creating this perception of themselves. It's a bit like if someone comes into the interview and I give them some crayons and some paper and I say, "Please draw a self-portrait." They take the crayons and go like this and that, drawing a nasty picture of themselves, and they say, "That's me." And I say, "Aw well, doesn't look at all like you." Then they add, "Oh, but if you really knew what I thought then you'd see". They really believe in this portrait that they've created from their selected ideas, mainly of what they did wrong or didn't do good enough.
It would be also be good to see the other side, the positive side, to get a balanced idea of ourselves. People have had a lot of practice at thinking about their negative side. So we really need to drum up the practice of reflecting on the positive aspects of ourselves or the good things we have done to balance this self-image. When we get a more balanced image we tend to forget about ourselves a little.
So reflection on our good qualities, Sympathetic Joy. Reflecting on the beneficial things that we've done, our good Kamma and generosity. Taking Joy with the fact that we're all even trying. This is all very helpful. Putting forth the effort to prevent. Taking joy with our efforts to prevent. Putting forth the effort to let go by seeing when we get into the self-aversion, how it causes suffering and having compassion for ourselves. Perhaps at that time doing a universalizing type of meditation, expanding out to others in the world who are also doing this themselves. Male, female, up and down the ages as Steve suggested in the D/D and really intensifying it.
These are ways to work with it. If we manage to get in a position where we normally react in a negative way and we manage to not do it, even if it's just bringing up the power of restraint, take joy with the fact it didn't go into our speech, it only went into thought. Or if it went into speech, it didn't go into action. Even if we feel, you know, we don't fully believe it yet, but we brought up enough restraint through our wisdom to know that it wasn't the right thing to do. To actually have some joy with the power of restraint at that time, even if we haven't let go of the tendency in the mind yet. Hopefully that comes later.
Also, as I said earlier, learning to have patience with ourselves is also very helpful. And I could go on and on about that one, but there are some other questions and this is the last time for this retreat to answer them.