Fear of death, fear of any type - we need to have a sense of refuge. What can we depend upon? Certainly we can't depend on this body and hanging onto it, because it is not really mine. So approaching the fear of death, we have to work at strengthening a sense of refuge, strengthening our confidence in Kamma, in the Triple Gem and the Dhamma, so that we can redirect our energy of wanting to hang on to life, if we are going to die. If we are going to have fear at the moment of death, we need to know how to refocus the mind to another object rather than our body and wanting to hang on to it.
How can we let go in whatever way we die? I have told this to some of my students about the time I thought I was dying in the bathroom. I was blacking out, I had a lot of pain, I saw fear arise. The pain was increasing, I went to the bathroom, thinking that somehow maybe I had diarrhea coming, but the pain only increased, increased, increased. I saw the mind getting fuzzy and then the awareness of death arose because of reflection on it for a long time. "I might be dying." Fear arose at that time, but also the mind quickly realized, "I don't have time for fear, I could be dying." But I noticed what motivated the fear was hanging onto life and what I thought was mine. To this body, to "I better get Steve to help me," but I realized I had to help myself at that time. He wasn't my refuge, life wasn't my refuge. What was my refuge? Okay, at that time I might be dying. What do I want to think? I turned my mind towards contemplation of the Buddha, that for me is a refuge, a very strong meditation. I had to refocus my mind to let go of the fear.
So if we are in a situation where we are dying, first of all the acceptance that we are dying comes from being able to reflect on death often and understanding that it is part of existence, so that we don't say, "No, I don't want to die!" By reflecting on death, we realize we will die some day, we don't know when. Turning our mind to our refuge at that time. If we are focusing on hanging on to the body when we may be dying, there is no refuge in our body. There is no refuge in life. Can we focus inward to our mind and focus on our refuge and try to keep it there, so that we have a beneficial focus for the mind rather than the mind always thinking about how terrible it is or whatever. Certainly learning how to deal with Unpleasant Physical Sensations is helpful also, so that we don't get overpowered by sensations. We draw the line inward to our refuge.
Now, in order to be able to have a refuge, we need a practice of contemplation of these things and see the strength of them. Another contemplation that a teacher recommended was reflection on our good Kamma. Steve prefers Compassion/Lovingkindness. Whatever is strongest. I found reflection on my good Kamma was not as strong as reflection on the Buddha, because I didn't have any doubt about his perfections. Whereas sometimes if a person has the tendency to take their good Kamma for granted they may think, "Yes, but what about that time..." We don't want these thoughts of doubt arising at that time. So we have to see what type of refuge is strongest for us and strengthen the ones that we may not feel as strongly.
Certainly when we come to death, buried alive, the worst thing would probably be "I am in a coffin" or "I am being buried and I don't want to be here", this is focusing on the situation and letting the mind get lost in fear. That would probably be the worst thing to do. So I think it is a matter of learning how to focus the mind in difficult situations. And how do we do that? We try not to be afraid of fear in our normal life. How many times do we pull away from this hindrance of fear and not wish to note it, look at it, and see its unsatisfactoriness. Wanting the familiar to be comfortable again or to distract ourselves. These unpleasant emotions, in the smaller aspects of our life - it is helpful to look at them and to learn how to note them, because if I had died in the bathroom, and if I hadn't been able to recognize the fear, maybe I would have died in fear. Fortunately I did not die, but how many times are we close?
So it is important to learn how to look at fear in our normal life, not pull away from it, learn to note it as uncomfortable as it is. Learn to bring up antidotes to fear: Reflection on the Buddha, the Dhamma, the Sangha, and our good Kamma so that we understand the importance of refuge in our life. So that we have a way to refocus the mind away from wrong thinking to right thinking.