This is interesting because for a large majority of retreatants their first interview with me or with Rosemary is quite different to their third interview, let alone the interviews for old students when they come back again and again. For most people they are nervous at their first interview because, "Is Steve going to bite me?" This nervousness is normal, fear of blame is part of it.
When we were growing up, we may have been laughed at by adults, we may have been told we were stupid or dumb, our questions may have been answered in unkind ways. We may have an undercurrent feeling with someone new, such as a teacher or boss in a position authority, that they may do or say something to blame or hurt us in some way. That is a normal type of conditioning. Most people will let go of this fear through the development of friendship with their teachers. After a while that fear of blame falls away because the student trusts the teacher, especially if the teacher has never done something that makes the student afraid of them. That is important. If the teacher blamed you in your first interview, if I had done that to you in your first interview, would you have wanted to come back? Usually not.
So this fear of blame is a totally conditioned thing which most people have experienced growing up. So it is very natural that most people feel nervous at least in their first interview with me or with Rosemary. To overcome it, working with it, it normally just takes getting to know me. Because no matter what you tell yourself, "Oh I should not be afraid of Steve because he is okay, people tell me he is okay", if you had conditioning in your past where you did trust teachers but they blamed you and you turned away, then you can't really trust a teacher just because someone says they are okay. And quite frankly, you don't have to trust anyone who says Steve is okay, if you don't know Steve yet. You don't have to trust me. You can consider who tells you that but you actually don't have to trust them yet until you meet Steve. So, to let go of this fear of blame is not that easy and generally it will pass after you get to know the person and you feel you can trust them.