Question

When in a relationship with another person, how can you prevent yourself from getting caught up in being attached, fearing losing them, and from entering possessive states of mind.

Answer

OK, Relationship attachment is a big one. It's not easy. All of these techniques that we teach, every one of them needs to be developed in order to let go of this strong attachment and to have a more unconditional love. For example, we have to understand that death may come at any time, your relationship will end. We have to understand impermanence. Separation may come at any time, the person may start thinking differently to you and want a divorce or whatever. All the different techniques can help you to have more of an inner contentment in relationships. And that's the basic key, to have more inner contentment, so that you are not getting too attached, not being too afraid that the whole relationship may end. You have to develop more inner contentment with yourself, so that you are not depending on the other person for your total happiness.

To share your life with other people, there is nothing wrong with that. The monks in the Buddha's days were staying together, the nuns were staying together, the monks and nuns were sometimes staying together. There were actually strong attachments to being together, as a unit, as a type of deeper family. But they did that for a purpose which was not just personal attachments.

When the Buddha died, his attendant monk, Ananda cried. He was deeply attached. Ananda was first level enlightened. Within a week Ananda was totally enlightened, but he was extremely attached and so when the Buddha died, he cried.

Strong attachments, strange as it sounds, may be there, but we have to use wisdom to balance it. You have to use all the different techniques for that wisdom to grow.

Our apologies if there are any errors in the above text. If anything seems to be wrong or confusing in any way, please feel free to contact the teachers for further clarification.