Well, it really depends on what types of selfish emotions are arising. But, first of all, there is a tendency in a lot of people to jump straight into a reflection, and they skip an important point. If we jump straight into a reflection, it may mean that we are not objectively seeing the selfish emotion first. We are not objectively seeing what it is, what hindrance it is, and it's very important to become objective first before we go to a reflection. We don't normally teach going straight to reflection to gain a sense of objectivity of the particular selfish emotion that is arising, but rather to use the reflection to gain understanding of the suffering that results from the selfish emotions in order to let them go.
So when a selfish emotion arises, it's helpful to use the mental noting of the hindrances technique. Is it desire? Is it aversion? Is it worry based in desire, etc. See what hindrance it is, note the hindrance, "desire, desire", "aversion, aversion", "worry, worry", "fear, fear" etc., so that you can become more objective and be able to get out of the story which is all bound up with "me". To get to unselfishness we have to first get out of this story which is "mine", and see more objectively into the Dukkha involved and its true cause. So note particularly what hindrance it is, see how it affects you, try to have compassion for yourself, and then when you have become more objective, it's helpful to use reflection.
With desire and with expectations, Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation is very helpful. If there is self-aversion as well, then Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation is again very helpful in order to help see the universality of self-aversion, particularly by using the D/D method.
It does depend on which selfish emotion comes up. If you have aversion towards someone because they are not fulfilling your expectations, or they are not doing what you want, it may be that you have to reflect that some things are beyond your power to control. In this way, we develop Equanimity so that we can understand that they are the owner of their own actions and we are the owner of ours. We can not always control the other person.
Sometimes, for instance, when we're expecting a lot of another person and we're having a lot of aversion towards them, we may actually need to reflect on the other side of that particular person. That is, we need to reflect on their good qualities. Sometimes we are only remembering what they didn't do for us, or we are only remembering particular times they weren't very nice to us, etc. But we may have lost our objectivity and forgotten all those time when they manifested their good qualities. So sometimes reflecting on the other side of the person that we are having aversion towards, and seeing their good qualities, helps to see that particular person more objectively.
Similarly with ourselves, we'll often lose our objectivity and get lost in aversion towards ourselves. We get lost in ideas of ourselves coming from a partial view, and from a partial remembrance of ourselves.
So it really depends on the situation, on what type of selfish emotion is arising, and our own ability to know which reflection to use at what particular time; this is developed through experience. We are going to be doing quite a lot of different types of reflections during the special Old Students' Retreat. This is to give you more ideas about when to use what type of reflections, so that you can balance some of these selfish emotions and expectations of oneself and others.