Okay, open them up in the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation. Do the D/D method with whatever sort of negative trait that this person has or that these two people have. What is it that they do that's so irritating to you, what is it that they do that stops you from being loving and generous to them? When you open it up in the D/D method, you start to understand people are conditioned creatures.
Is there any human being on this planet who is not a conditioned creature? Are any of you not conditioned? Do any of you have a single thought in your mind that was not conditioned into you? Your physical body was developed through the food, the water, the nourishment, that went into your body; it is similar with your mind – conditioned.
Try to open up and understand the other person more. It's not that hard, "but" - that's the word that comes in - right? But! It comes in, "But they did such and such", or "They are such and such", so there is always this kind of "but" which makes us feel like we can rationalize our anger towards them. But what happens when you're upset with someone else, what happens when you become angry at someone else, what happens when you hold back your love and your generosity? It often results in the closing of your heart.
Now, on the other side, there are times when we're not going to be generous to people because they just take, take, take, take; that's a different story. Okay, we're not going to concern ourselves with that sort of thing. That's where holding back on generosity and outward love is the way to go, when we're trying to teach somebody, help somebody, whatever; but I don't think that that's what we're talking about here.
Here this person wants to get over the holding onto what they call "historical wrongs." Now, when we think of "historical wrongs", some of them might be really huge, but I think for a lot of us, when it comes to our families, they're just little things. If they are some things that are huge, then maybe we will never be generous to them at all, in the sense of what we normally call being generous and loving, we may take a different course of action, we might even try to get these people put into jail, whatever; if they have done something huge. That's a different story I think, to what this person is asking about, but if there are just these little things that we feel "robbed us" or were wrong, can we open our heart?
One thing about having Compassion and Lovingkindness for other people, whether it's loved ones or not, is that it doesn't mean we like the people. A lot of people don't quite get that, they think if you have lots of Compassion/Lovingkindness towards everyone then you like them, you love them. But no, it doesn't necessarily mean that you like the person at all. If I have Compassion/Lovingkindness towards somebody whom I know is a murderer, then I'm going to do everything I can to help that person get put away in a place where they will never do murder again. That's showing Compassion/Lovingkindness, by actually not being generous to them in the sense of allowing them to have whatever they want; and I don't have to like them. With Compassion/Lovingkindness, sometimes we actually put people away, we have to treat them in a different way then what we normally call generous. So if it's a "historical wrong" that's real big, you might have to do something different; but if it is something small the D/D method can help greatly.
Open your heart for those people with their conditioning, the little things that people do that are so hmmm... right? I mean there are so many little things that you notice when you live with people: they scratch their head funny, or they fold their papers funny, or they stick the paper in the folder upside down - compared to what you think is the right thing to do. And if you pick on all these little things, then sure you're going to drive yourself nuts, but if you open your heart to other people's conditioning, lots of it is just what it is, then you can stop that resistance that you have within yourself.