It may be that we just need a little bit more patience with ourselves; it may be that we're wanting results too quickly. To really take responsibilities for our actions and have Moral Shame and Moral Dread towards them may take some time; and the letting go of justifications for doing it, letting go of the ego, may take some time, as well.
We can use various techniques to help us come to accept the results of our actions. Sometimes it's very difficult to accept the Dukkha that is arising from our actions and it is sometimes very difficult to realize that we are responsible for this. It takes a lot of strength, and courage, and humility to be able to do this.
Honesty to ourselves; unless we become more honest with ourselves, we won't be able to learn from our mistakes and grow from them. It is very beneficial to understand the need to grow and learn, so that we can avoid making similar mistakes which cause harm for ourselves and others in the future. This compassion for ourselves will help motivate us to be very truthful with ourselves, understand our mistakes, have compassion for ourselves, and understand that we were perhaps ignorant of many things at that time and made many mistakes. We don't want to freeze ourselves in that time, but realize that we have the capacity to go beyond it, to grow, to learn, to change.
We may think we're going to lose something, our sense of self worth, if we accept that we made a mistake and if we become more humble; but if we understand that everybody makes mistakes and we put ourselves with the rest of humanity, we will be able to understand that being truthful is very helpful.
Sometimes if we can't get to that truthfulness, it may be helpful to have someone who is a little bit more objective about the situation point out things that may be of help to us, so that we can come to accept the situation, but not hate ourselves for not having the wisdom to prevent this situation from happening.
We can also try to balance our view with the facts that we've also done some good actions, and we all make mistakes. If it is concerned with other people, having done some actions to other people that has caused them suffering, we can try to put ourselves in their place; understanding how we may have felt at that time enables us to have more compassion for them, and with more compassion there's less justification, there's feeling with them and understanding arising, and a wish to heal arises from that time. Then understanding the importance of making peace with that person, if we really care about that person, also arises.