The whole aspect of balance between Compassion and Equanimity goes way beyond just our friends or relatives, people close to us, it goes towards everybody. But it is true that with our close loved ones we can care too much at times. And we do need to learn that sometimes it is just too much, and we have to rely on equanimity. Can you control all of your loved ones? I mean really control them. Will they do exactly what you say, wake up when you want them to, go to bed when you want them to? No, you know, it's simply impossible.
You can't control them, yet, we still care about them. We watch them doing something that's going to create a problem for themselves and they don't see it. We want to help them. We care and we want to help, but often they don't want our help. Whether it's our loved ones or not, how much can you force or control somebody who doesn't want to be controlled?
It's a classic - and I say this in the regular retreat - many of you have children and you know for yourselves how it is, you can't totally control them. Especially the moment they go into kindergarten or preschool or to regular school and their friends affect them and so on. If you want to control them totally and if they don't want your help, it's really, really difficult.
And with your husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, same things happen. With your brothers, sisters, parents, the same things happen. So there are many times when you realize that you just can't really do anything for them.
Okay, then, what is the best thing to do? Will you still keep on caring, caring, caring too much, so that you suffer? Or will you realize at that time, "I will have equanimity for this person now"?
That aspect of Kamma, that everybody is the owner and heir of their Kamma is helpful to bring in for balancing, for having more Equanimity. In English, we have a little saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink". So we can give something to somebody out of our compassion, but we actually can't force them to take it, other than, of course, tying them down. It can be hard, of course, but it's helpful to know when forcing help on to somebody, who doesn't want it, won't work. So Equanimity is very important to have.