Shyness comes to a certain extent for a lot of us in experiences we had when we were little. We got laughed at, we got yelled at. We were told we were stupid and dumb. We withdrew, we became shy, we didn't want that blame ever again. Shyness often comes from fear of blame. We shy away, we don't want to do that something because it could cause us pain, mental pain in this case.
How can we work with shyness? I think I talked yesterday a bit about blame. As all of you are adults now, you understand what childhood often does to people. It gives us all a lot of these psychological conditions. Now as an adult, can you have more compassion for the whole mess of challenging situations that you find yourselves in? Can you have more compassion for the parents and teachers who laughed at the young people, who yelled at the young people, told them they were stupid and dumb?
If you open your heart more with compassion for people in authority, teachers in particular, if you open with more compassion for them, you are going to find you don't have to be afraid, or shy when confronting somebody who is more important. Because they are just a human being. How many of you in your very first interview with us, felt relaxed? You know I have had some interviews, it's like 55 seconds in and out. Yeah, they are shy, they are not so sure about this "Steve guy". After a while, what happens to your shyness? Some of you still may get a little bit nervous, but by and large, it's a lot less, you are not so shy when you are coming to the interviews. You treat me like a friend, you are more relaxed.
To actually understand that all of your bosses, all of those teachers, all of those other people that we might shy away from... they are another human being, too. You don't have to be afraid of them, you don't have to worry about their praise or blame. Related to yesterday when I talked about when you are doing something good and people blame you, that's okay, it's their mistake. Later in the retreat I talk more about compassionate understanding for people who blame you and it's not justified. Having equanimity towards them. Developing equanimity towards blame in particular, that can help you work with shyness.