Special Retreat Thailand July 2007 | Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

Rosemary

2

1

Can you please talk about more techniques, except food reflection, to work with food desire?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.01

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Rosemary

2

I once read something like, "Renunciation of material things is easy if we have some spiritual contentment." Can you please talk about reflections that help bring about contentment? Also, other things that can help bring about contentment, e.g. chanting, sport, walking in nature. Do you think it's valid to use such things to support the wisdom side of the practice and help with renunciation of material things?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.02

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Rosemary

2

3

I've heard Steve say: "Working towards the perfection of the Paramis". I wondered, what do you see as the difference between "working towards perfection" and "wanting perfection"?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.03

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Rosemary

2

4

How does bowing help to develop courage?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.04

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Rosemary

2

5

How does a meditator in this tradition balance Compassion and Equanimity in formal meditation and in everyday life?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.05

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Rosemary

2

6

If we receive blame while doing generous actions, what are some ways to prevent that blame from preventing us from our wanting to continue to do generous actions?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.06

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Rosemary

2

7

Remembering the application form here, and the questions describing how we feel about our relationship to our parents, I wondered about what particular importance or relevance you take from the answers? Also is there any link in your minds with the work of psychologists, particularly Freud, who based much of an adult's mind make-up on their reactions to early family life, e.g. mother/father complexes, etc.? Did you study psychology as well as the Buddha Dhamma? Do you think a healthy, balanced mind is reliant on having a specific relationship to one's parents/early carers?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.07

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Rosemary

2

8

Often in my sits I take my work with me, thinking about people, situations, challenges. Can you give some ideas for transforming a strong attachment to thinking about work, so that at least some wise reflection happens?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.08

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Rosemary

2

9

What are the Five Spiritual Powers?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.09

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Five Spiritual Powers

Rosemary

2

10

In the Old Students talk you mentioned how meditators can get complacent and don't want to uncover the subtler forms of Dukkha in our practice. Can you give examples of what you mean by this, and how reflections help?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.10

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Rosemary

2

11

Can you share more ways to expand the people we find Compassion/ Lovingkindness for?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.11

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Steve

3

1

Can you please talk about Wrong View, and give an example?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.01

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Steve

3

2

How Mara's many mirrors distort reality. Why is it so difficult just to see things as they are? A leaf as a leaf? A person as a fellow human being caught up in Samara? Is it because we are always looking for hidden meanings, a secret truth? In other words, not satisfied with bare reality; denying it, not wishing to acknowledge that Dukkha simply exists?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.02

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Steve

3

Can you share your experience of balancing Generosity with Wisdom and Compassion? For example, avoiding enabling unbeneficial behavior through our generosity?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.03

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Steve

3

4

Please talk more about Kamma, the Law of Cause and Effect. For example, civilians killed in a war, or women who sell their bodies because they must feed their family.

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.04

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Steve

3

5

I was curious about the use of "I" (me), and whether or not we are at a point where using more ego-less terms is appropriate? Is it even possible?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.05

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Steve

3

6

When doing the reflections, followed by concentration meditation, I find it hard to let go of my mind's desire to story tell, or wonder. Can you suggest how better to direct my mind towards concentration?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.06

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Steve

3

7

Regarding the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation, is it recommended we use real-life people we know, or whom we know of? Or can/should we create people, if we can't think of someone, such as a 25-year-old?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.07

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Steve

3

8

How do we avoid falling in to storytelling?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.08

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Steve

3

9

It happens sometimes at work that I give a colleague a tip or advice, then they might use it and it works very well, but later when presenting their work, they often don't acknowledge it wasn't their own idea. What would be some appropriate reactions please?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.09

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Steve

3

10

At times, one can have a deep understanding, but not be able to apply that understanding. Can you give suggestions on how to move from just understanding, to application of it in our life?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.10

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Steve

3

11

Can you talk about making beneficial resolutions and goals in the practice, and how to keep to them?

Ref: 2007.07.x.03.11

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Steve

4

1

Mara's many mirrors. It can be difficult to know whether we are really practicing non-attachment, and therefore following the Buddha's teachings, or just selfishly following our own wishes, without care for how others may feel about our actions/speech. The non-caring attitude being justified as "practicing correctly". Can you guide us through this web of good intention, ignorance and conceit? Please mention how selfishness and indifference can be avoided while Saddha can be increased, while maintaining a good Dhamma practice, especially important with our close Kalyanamittas.

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.01

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Steve

4

2

Could you please talk a bit about the relationship between contentment and restlessness? It seems like when I feel content, there's less restlessness in my life, and when I feel restless, there's often little contentment.

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.02

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Steve

4

3

Is it necessary to know if a hindrance is mental or physical? e.g. this morning I was working with what I though was aversion to a memory, then later I realized I had a mild tummy upset, and my body was feeling unpleasant. Could it be that my body awareness was not strong enough to just note the sensation, and catch it there?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.03

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Steve

4

In reflection meditations, are the feelings that arise during the reflections to be noted objectively, or are they feelings to be allowed to form normally, which sometimes leads to a cascade?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.04

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Steve

4

5

It can be difficult for me to fall asleep. It seems to take relaxing the mind, letting it drift, to make it happen, but I've heard of getting awareness so sharp that a person can be aware of the breath before falling asleep, and on waking up. Any thoughts on this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.05

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Steve

4

6

If we have a particular unbeneficial attachment or aversion, how do you recommend approaching it in the practice? Is it better to work with it off and on, or to put it under "siege", attack it, with lots of reflecting on it?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.06

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Steve

4

7

I hear you both say "give without expecting anything in return". Isn't the good Kamma that comes to us our reward for giving?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.07

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Steve

4

8

Reading the newspaper clipping about the two young children who starved to death, following their mother's death, and imagining being the father returning to find such a tragic scene, I found it difficult to imagine what I would actually do and say to give Compassionate/Lovingkindness to the father. Obviously one can say, "May you find peace of mind" inside oneself for them, but its sounds rather trite out loud. Then, what about saying, "It wasn't your fault? Or, "Try not to upset yourself"? These standard comments leave a lot short, or by physically comforting them - taking their hand, etc. One risks acting as a shoulder to cry on, where the other person indulges in grief rather than overcoming it. What would you do or say?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.08

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Steve

4

9

When a religious leader exhibits poor behavior up to, and including, committing suicide, followers of that religion may begin to doubt the methods taught by that religion. What advice might you give to those people regarding their doubts?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.09

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Religious leaders

Steve

4

10

Can you talk about human qualities that deserve to be respected?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.10

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Steve

4

11

Concerning Steve's discussion of generosity yesterday, in his example of giving money to a drunk. When giving money or otherwise, should we consider how the generosity is likely to be used? If so, how can we know we understand the reality? Does our negative Kamma increase if we mistakenly decide not to give because we assume we know how the money will be misused, e.g. in the case of the drunk?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.11

Written answer

Steve

5

1

Last night at the guided meditation, I felt compassion, and also a wish to "do something". Realizing all I could do was wish a Compassion/Lovingkindness wish, I then felt a little tug of guilt. I tried the D/D method and let go of the guilt. This morning I saved two insects, and did any other good deeds that I could. Is this how it works? Feeling compassion and doing whatever I can for whomever I can, including compassion for myself? It seems so little when so much is needed in the world. Is the "equanimity" to do what I can, and wish for Compassion/Lovingkindness for all beings?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.01

Written answer

Steve

5

2

Regarding Steve's comment about not needing to write down every little insight, with this in mind I try not to write notes during the Q&A. But the impulse is very strong, and I worry I would forget something, or would like to use something for later reflection so I do end up getting my notebook out. Do you think it would be good practice to try to let go of the notebook for a day or two, to work with that attachment?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.02

Written answer

Steve

5

3

Please talk about suicide a bit more, regarding: 1. I guess it's really bad Kamma for oneself, in other words, you go straight to the hell realms as a person who's killing? 2. Also, do you accept suicide attempters on this retreat? 3. I remember in the 1970's, those Buddhist monks who, as a protest to their country's terrible conditions/war/human suffering, became famous because they committed suicide by sitting down in meditation and setting themselves on fire.

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.03

Written answer

Steve

5

4

Rosemary has used the terms: "little compassionate mind" and "big compassionate mind", or something to that effect. What do you see as the difference between the two? Is one superior to the other?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.04

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Steve

5

What do you do with the "How fortunate you are" reflection if it turns into, "Oh no, all these people who are suffering, there's so much suffering I the world"?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.05

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Steve

5

6

Could you please explain how you would do a formal sit on the topic of contentment?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.06

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Steve

5

7

Can you please talk about Moral Shame and Forgiveness, and how they might be related?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.07

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Steve

5

8

How does respect help counteract negative qualities such as anger and greed? How do we cultivate respect?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.08

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Steve

5

9

From time to time the mind resists doing a meditation session. How does one settle the mind in these situations? For example, resistance to doing the standing meditation?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.09

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Steve

5

10

When you reflect about your past good actions, and have joy with them, is there also the danger to become conceited? How could you prevent this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.10

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Rosemary

6

1

Can you talk about Effort and Morality, such as making the effort to go buy your own bucket, rather than borrowing and then forgetting to return it to your neighbors?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.01

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Rosemary

6

2

Please explain how to reflect/investigate into the Four Elements regarding our own body.

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.02

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Four Great Elements

Rosemary

6

3

Could you please talk about the importance of opening up to unwanted emotions like envy, jealousy and such?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.03

Written answer

Rosemary

6

4

Would you say in the development of Renunciation, that trying to let go of anger, hatred, greed and conceit, etc., is a more important focus than stuff like food desires, sex, buying too many clothes or comforting goods?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.04

Written answer

Rosemary

6

5

For the Ten Paramis reflection, can you provide more clarity about the reflection on "How much we have grown?" How do we measure this? Against someone we respect, against our mindfulness of the Paramis, or when we consider feeling moral shame relating to the Paramis?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.05

Written answer

Ten Paramis reflection

Rosemary

6

When working closely with others, is there a need to compromise our renunciation levels at times, in order to maintain healthy relationships?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.06

Written answer

Rosemary

6

7

I suffer from an almost continuous inner critical voice which raises doubts and insecurity. Would this inner critic be one of Mara's many mirrors? I know it's a big one, but any tips on how to clarify the personification of Mara here and work on disarming the critic's negative force? It's so draining!

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.07

Written answer

Rosemary

6

8

Regarding lower beings -- insects, etc. -- can you explain how they develop positive Kamma, if they are able to develop? Is the mosquito responsible for the Dukkha suffered by beings it bites or infects?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.08

Written answer

Rosemary

6

9

Please explain the three levels of the Ten Paramis that we chant (e.g., Dana Parami, Dana "superior" Parami, and Dana "the highest" Parami) and give examples for each of the Paramis, if possible.

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.09

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Rosemary

6

10

Please talk more about Mara, ignorance, and how to work with it in daily life.

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.10

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Rosemary

6

11

Can you use a parent who's dead, when doing the guided Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation? Does this benefit them in any way?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.11

Written answer

Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation

Rosemary

6

12

What do you mean by "Emotional Maturity"?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.12

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Rosemary

6

13

Somewhere I remember Steve talking about groupings of Dhamma terms - fives of this, tens of that. In these groupings, there was a set of terms which had three terms: Wise Reflection, Heedfulness and I do not remember the third. Can you tell us what the three are and talk about their importance, why they are special?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.13

Written answer

Rosemary

6

14

Often when I do Compassionate/Lovingkindness meditation for myself, I think of my current challenges/Dukkha. How much should we bring up the old Dukkha from our past so we can remember and don't cling to it?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.14

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Rosemary

6

15

Can you talk about how we develop trust and faith in a teacher? What about in the teachings?

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.15

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Rosemary

7

1

Christianity gave Western culture a huge guilt complex which still lingers in the current scientific era. Please compare guilt with Moral Shame and perhaps explaining how a milder form of emotion, embarrassment, fits into this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.01

Written answer

Rosemary

7

2

Sometimes when I reflect about Dukkha and do Compassionate/Lovingkindness, I feel a distance and separation. Mara then tries to tell me that's good and protecting me. How can we feel more confident, less afraid to open to Dukkha? How can we understand on a deeper level that the separation, rather than protecting, is actually causing us Dukkha?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.02

Written answer

Rosemary

7

3

Regarding Food Reflection, specifically on recognizing that living beings must necessarily die to produce all food, and Kamma or Morality reflection -- that actions produce results and results are reliant on our intentions. I found moral shame and dread arising at the thought of eating animals deliberately killed for food despite understanding that we can't avoid living beings dying in order that we eat, and problems in considering others' intention, e.g. how a fisherman makes a living by killing. A farmer may deliberately use a pesticide to grow vegetables or fruit, so we buy organic food where no chemicals are used, so that the only deaths are accidental, not intentional. What is the Kammic result of a butcher who slaughters pigs, cows, chickens for a living? Surely it's straight to the hell realms? Monks just eat what is given, but by choosing what I eat, what I buy, I affect the people who sell the food.

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.03

Written answer

Rosemary

7

4

Can you please talk about restlessness, fidgeting and other seemingly uncontrollable-at-times body movements? What are some methods of working with them?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.04

Written answer

Rosemary

7

5

Can you share your experience with observing nature as a means for understanding the Dhamma and the Four Noble Truths? You talked about watching a leaf fall bringing to mind impermanence. Are there some other reflections you could share?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.05

Written answer

Rosemary

7

6

On day 10, you talk about the slow and fast lanes in life. Could you please expand on this, and also give some advice on switching lanes if you're used to driving in the fast lane?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.06

Written answer

Rosemary

7

Regarding the "Going to bed" meditation, I had a sad challenge -- I couldn't find someone to fit in the role of "person closest to you" because I don't have a spouse/children/close family. Suggestions, please?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.07

Written answer

Going to bed meditation

Rosemary

7

8

I often have bad dreams, often with a feeling of anxiety. I try to do a D/D for people with bad dreams and Compassionate/Lovingkindness for myself in the dreams. Usually I can't remember a whole lot. Any other tips on how to work with this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.08

Written answer

Rosemary

7

9

When doing jobs like sweeping or other things that cause us to disturb or kill ants, insects or other beings, where is the balance of Compassion, Lovingkindness and Equanimity? How important is Truthfulness about our intention behind doing a job? How can we check our wish to have a clean path without wanting to harm unnecessarily?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.09

Written answer

Steve

8

1

Failure seems to be central to our self-doubt/insecurities and negative self-images, and yet it is through failure and making mistakes that we are able to learn and grow. Can you talk more about having a balanced view of our past failures?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.01

Written answer

Steve

8

2

There are many "sets" the Buddha talked about: Five Spiritual Powers, Ten Paramis, Four Foundations of Mindfulness, etc. Why do you focus on some and not others? i.e. Why do you talk a lot about the Paramis and not the Spiritual Powers? Do you think some are more valuable?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.02

Written answer

Steve

8

3

When we've said something that we consider to be wrong speech, is it always good to "clear the air" with the person or people we said it to? When to clear the air and when not too?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.03

Written answer

Steve

8

4

Is there a shorter form of the Forgiveness mediation to use for smaller mistakes, lack of thoughtfulness, etc.?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.04

Written answer

Forgiveness meditation

Steve

8

5

Have you also noticed while doing food reflection, on chewing the food and observing the taste, that what may originally seem pleasant, or even unpleasant, becomes neutral after a while? Any wider significance? e.g. with "bare awareness" is one emotionally neutral to all things?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.05

Written answer

Steve

8

6

Are there times when our effort to try and help someone actually interferes with the work they are doing? How do we know when it is best to help? How do we know when it is best not to help? Is there a middle ground here?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.06

Written answer

Steve

8

7

Please suggest ways to work with aversion towards the non-verbal attitude of another person? e.g., on the walking track, a person is restless, agitated and unconcentrated. I wish them Compassionate/Lovingkindness, however their behavior continues. I then start to feel restless, too, then aversion, and a whole hindrance attack ensues. I also notice this problem with people who have controlling personalities.

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.07

Written answer

Steve

8

Can you please talk about Sympathetic Joy? Why "Sympathetic Joy" not simply "Joy"? How do we cultivate Sympathetic Joy? Do we feel this for ourselves and others? Can you please give examples?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.08

Written answer

Steve

8

9

Can you please talk about the difference between "moderation" and the "Middle Way"? For example "moderation" in smoking, and drinking alcohol. Thanks.

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.09

Written answer

Steve

8

10

Can you talk about relationships and how they can support and/or hinder the practice? How do we guard against our attachment to our partner becoming unbeneficial? How do Unselfish Emotions help with this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.10

Written answer

Steve

8

11

A former partner confided in me that they believed they had super powers. People, including the Buddha have been attributed with special powers - levitation, etc. - in the past. I guess it could happen, however I found it freaked me out to come to terms with the idea that this person thought they could change the course of a hurricane to protect a loved one. I got very confused and didn't know how to react. While wishing to be open-minded, it seemed crazy. How would you react, think and say in such a situation, assuming you want to keep a good relationship?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.11

Written answer

Steve

8

12

Please talk about the habit of rushing, and the chronic "need" to feel "busy", so much a Western drive. I'm trying to overcome the seeming addiction to the adrenalin rush these unwholesome states provide. Could overdoing sport be seen similarly?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.12

Written answer

Steve

8

13

Regarding creative activities, e.g. painting, photography, writing, music, etc., can you discuss how one or more of these can be integrated into the practice, if at all? I take photos and would like to understand better how to bring my practice into this activity.

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.13

Written answer

Steve

8

14

Have Buddha's followers always done retreats? Please talk about this process and tradition.

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.14

Written answer

Steve

8

15

Connecting Moral Shame, forgiveness and moral disgust, is it necessary to first forgive the act of moral shame in order to build a more pure form of moral disgust? Or are the two not related?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.15

Written answer

Rosemary

9

1

How can I help my Truthfulness to grow?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.01

Written answer

Rosemary

9

2

How do you know which reflection to choose to focus on? There are so many I am getting stuck in choosing? This is especially challenging if nothing is up for me in that moment.

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.02

Written answer

Rosemary

9

3

Regarding Forgiveness of others. Assume someone has acted very unskillful towards us or someone we love. Having forgiven and also done Compassion/Lovingkindness for this person, should we communicate our forgiveness to this person or only in circumstances where they have acknowledged wrong doing and already indicated they hope for forgiveness?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.03

Written answer

Rosemary

9

4

Wanting to share one's past generous actions in order to inspire Sympathetic Joy and to encourage others to continue giving could easily be perceived as one wanting fame from their generous actions. How does one carefully and skillfully share their generous actions with others with Right Intention?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.04

Written answer

Rosemary

9

5

Can you give some practical tips on Special Mindfulness Activities to help us work with our speech? And can you talk about the line between telling stories and gossip?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.05

Written answer

Rosemary

9

6

Right Speech is sometimes very difficult. Right Listening seems to be related. Can you please talk about ways to practice and develop Right Listening?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.06

Written answer

Rosemary

9

7

How do you judge the level of practice of a student or another teacher or a non-Buddhist famous philosopher, etc.? Is it similar to the Kalama Sutta based on blaming and leading to harm and ill?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.07

Written answer

Rosemary

9

8

I was having trouble having Compassion/Lovingkindness towards a situation maybe because I had the feeling of wanting someone to change their behavior. I then switched to just noting "It's their Kamma, I can't change it" and the Equanimity helped lessen my attachment. I was then able to have more Compassion/Lovingkindness again. Could you please talk about the role of Equanimity in developing Compassion and Lovingkindness including what are the signs that we need more of it?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.08

Written answer

Rosemary

9

Regarding seeing things with our eyes closed. Having suffered traumatizing images during meditation and sleep in my early retreats here, you advised me to note "seeing" and try to let them go in order to get back Equanimity. This practice worked and I haven't been bothered for a long time. Pictures illustrating reflective and guided meditations do come, of course. This retreat during the expanded "on your own" time at the end of a guided meditation where I was getting a bit stuck to find a good example to focus on an image, the picture of a person I knew appeared. Through calmly observing through an inquiring creative mind I could use it to give a good example to continue the meditation with. Is this practice of using visions okay?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.09

Written answer

Images

Old Students' Special Retreat Thailand July 2007