Special Retreat Germany June 2020 | Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

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I find it sometimes very difficult to make the difference between indifference and equanimity towards a difficult situation, possibly because I witness a specific situation, I am ready to help but without feeling emotionally involved. Do you have techniques to investigate into this and make the difference clearer?

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.01

Audio answer

Steve

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2

I find the "dedication of merits" very helpful - I got a feeling of sharing, what I am doing is not just for my own welfare - a thought which I find quiet motivating to continue. Where does it come from? Thank you.

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.02

Audio answer

Steve

3

Sometimes during a compassion/lovingkindness wish I notice a feeling of finding the exercise slightly arrogant or "overlooking" on others, wishing them to be able to learn what they wouldn’t know yet – but what we do. There must be other ways of overcoming life’s difficulties than the one we practice. Usually I go around this feeling by telling me it is not only about the technique as such, but about the way, which I wish them to find to grow beyond their limitations. Would it be better in that case to adapt slightly the wording?

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.03

Audio answer

Steve

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4

I have just done the day 13 evening meditation with Rosemary - "you wake up this morning, but today is difficult". From even before the first situation was properly described, I felt a lot of aversion come up, knowing that a difficult situation was likely to come. My expectations were confirmed with style (laughing as I write this). I found the meditation difficult, having had to stop it a few times to cry and allow myself to process enough to be able to come to a place of wishing compassion and loving kindness.

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.04

Audio answer

Steve

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5

This is my first silent retreat. I have noticed that I have more restlessness compared to other retreats which might be due to having more responsibilities like cooking, setting all the alarms, playing the talks at the right time. Is this normal? Do you have any recommendations on how to deal with this?

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.05

Audio answer

Steve

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6

The D-D technique is extremely powerful indeed. However, while relativizing our suffering, thinking about situations worse than ours, isn’t there a risk to slip into relativizing the suffering of others too, and create a hierarchy of sufferings, some being more legitimate than others? Everyone has already heard phrases such as: You cannot suffer as much as I am suffering, since you don’t know what it is to be sick/have children/having depression etc. Or this person is too sensitive, no one should be upset about a broken nail etc.… I usually try to focus rather on the "amount" of suffering instead of the "cause" of that suffering, since the suffering is very real to that person independently of the cause – which may be, for others, much less harmful and intense (we know the example of loneliness) Should it be and if yes, how can this be avoided? That is: to hierarchies’ different causes of suffering?

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.06

Audio answer

Rosemary

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1

A friend of mine is heavily depressed, not opening to me, as well as to nobody, so how is it possible to help him? Is there a way anyway?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.01

Audio answer

Rosemary

5

2

Is it true that most of our Dukkha comes from our selfish views and our isolation or separation from others? Coming closer to and understanding more the Dukkha of others I feel that my own Dukkha fades away.

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.02

Audio answer

Rosemary

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3

Why do we practice compassion with further people, I would use the one I know as there is enough Dukkha there. Is it ok?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.03

Audio answer

Rosemary

5

4

Is feeling lonely a kind of "wanting fame?" Thank you.

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.04

Audio answer

Rosemary

5

In regards to restlessness, can you please remind us again of some techniques to work with restlessness in the everyday? This past year I have noticed myself having to multitask and manage a lot more and can see the restlessness building at times. Winding down is sometimes difficult.

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.05

Audio answer

Rosemary

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6

It is very hard to be able to hold some kind of equanimity or poise in the face of the difficult situations described. My "the animal side of my body" reacted to a few with intense anger and rage, or fear, or grief. While I understand this is part of the process, I have some concern I may be going too deeply into the feelings and maybe not being able to process/focus on compassion. Could you speak regarding this topic?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.06

Audio answer

Rosemary

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7

I can relate my aversion to authority to my childhood. But is there in the teachings another key to understand this kind of aversion? Of being told what to do versus standing for oneself and free will?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.07

Audio answer

Rosemary

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I heard and read from some so-called meditation teachers that they use the term "Buddha-Dharma" or "Buddha-Dhamma" in a way that it seems to me that they mean that the Dhamma belongs to the Buddha. Is this correct and true or beneficial? Is it right to say that the Buddha realized or discovered the Dhamma or the Truth out of himself without a teacher teaching it and that this Dhamma or Truth is impersonal? Are even the teachings impersonal?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.08

Audio answer

Rosemary

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9

I am doing the personal retreat at home and have to do all the walking meditation inside the apartment as I live at a currently very busy place. Going outside for a walk once a day is also difficult, even in the early morning or the late evening. There is the desire to go outside and the feeling that it would be good for the sore body to walk for more than 10 m one way once in a while. How can I work with this?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.09

Audio answer

Rosemary

5

10

How to help a person who lost his child?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.10

Audio answer

Steve

7

1

Do you have a short DD form for daily life? Thank you.

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.01

Audio answer

Steve

7

2

Equanimity and aversion: What about "letting go" for example of a decision or action, and let someone else decide. Isn’t there also some aversion against "putting the effort to help"? (Less work or less stress for oneself in the end)

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.02

Audio answer

Steve

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3

What do you think are the main reasons for an old or very old students to leave their meditation teacher, even if they still respect their teachings?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.03

Audio answer

Steve

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4

How to prepare ourselves to the death of our parents? Sadness will be but is there a way to prepare to deal with it?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.04

Audio answer

Steve

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5

What holidays do you celebrate? The Buddha’s Birthday?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.05

Audio answer

Steve

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6

Why do you recommend to rather relax the schedule of the private retreat compared to a retreat in a retreat center?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.06

Audio answer

Steve

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Would you say that the Brahma Viharas - Metta, Karuna, Mudita and Upekkha - that they are mind states or emotions? They are sometimes called mature emotions. What would you say? And what are their opposites?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.07

Audio answer

Steve

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Could you please comment this quote from Ajahn Chah out of his last talk in 1982: "Listen and contemplate. This is what practice is about: being a listener and being one who reflects on things. As you don’t know yet whether the things you like and dislike are true or not, the Buddha said that, for the time being, you should keep listening. If you don’t, you’ll just follow your own opinions about things, and if you do that, then you will develop wrong view, and your practice won’t advance." (Jayasaro, Ajahn. "Stillness Flowing." Apple Books) – does listening also needs asking?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.08

Audio answer

Steve

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9

Could you please tell us something about the feeling of guilt for being very fortunate?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.09

Audio answer

Steve

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10

Dedication of merits: What I just did while meditating, how can this have a beneficial effect right now on other people?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.10

Audio answer

Steve

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11

Could you please give me an example of how we can work that a hindrance doesn’t arise anymore in the future? How much do we have an impact on that (on worries arising or not for example)?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.11

Audio answer

Steve

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12

It seems that both Praise and Blame lead to Fame (existing in someone’s eyes). How does reducing attachment to one affect the others? How does Obscurity fit in - to cultivate it? Can you discuss these interrelationships?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.12

Audio answer

Steve

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13

Could you please talk about the meaning of Compassion / Lovingkindness, Equanimity and Wisdom in regards to dealing with aversions?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.13

Audio answer

Steve

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14

Could you rephrase the word "resolution" in the Ten Paramis? I am not sure of what it means

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.14

Audio answer

Rosemary

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1

Would you please explain "not wanting gain" "not wanting praise" "not wanting pleasure"?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.01

Audio answer

Rosemary

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2

Like most people I do not wish to get sick, to lose my purse or stumble on the pathway. When this does happen, it does affect me only for a short while, as I have grown in equanimity. However, if any of those Dukkha are caused to me because of other people I still tend to struggle with intense aversion. Much more than if I cannot identify a human cause. Could you please help me see the conditions causing this difference?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.02

Audio answer

Rosemary

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3

In our society, we tend to see praise as an empowering, empathetic attitude, especially toward co-workers or children. How much responsibility do we bear in creating Dukkha when praising other people?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.03

Audio answer

Rosemary

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4

Sometimes I feel that my equanimity comes from a strong sense of confidence, and mostly from remembering the good luck, bad luck story. Sometimes I rather feel that my equanimity simply comes from the fact that I have a plan B, from preparedness to the eventuality of things going wrong, from experience. So, this is less an attitude I would say than having a certain control over the situation. Can this be seen as equanimity too? Independently as to where it comes from? Be it from confidence or control?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.04

Audio answer

Rosemary

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5

The step from "I want what they have" to "I am glad that they have it" seems so difficult. Can you please help me with this?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.05

Audio answer

Rosemary

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When bowing to the Noble Sangha, what reflections are beneficial? I tell myself that they confirmed the teachings of the Buddha by becoming enlightened, and thus showing us the Way. What else can be considered?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.06

Audio answer

Old Students' Special Retreat Germany June 2020