Blame | Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

Special Retreat Germany September 2005

Rosemary

7

2

How can one deal better with the feeling of failure?

Ref: 2005.09.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2005

Steve

5

6

How can I become more independent from other people's judgements and opinions?

Ref: 2005.09.x.05.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

Rosemary

5

7

I can relate my aversion to authority to my childhood. But is there in the teachings another key to understand this kind of aversion? Of being told what to do versus standing for oneself and free will?

Ref: 2020.06.x.05.07

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

Rosemary

9

3

In our society, we tend to see praise as an empowering, empathetic attitude, especially toward co-workers or children. How much responsibility do we bear in creating Dukkha when praising other people?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

Rosemary

9

1

Would you please explain "not wanting gain" "not wanting praise" "not wanting pleasure"?

Ref: 2020.06.x.09.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

14

7

How can we deal with fear of blame and wanting praise?

Ref: 2014.09.x.14.07

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2010

Steve

4

8

Where does shyness come from and how can I work with it?

Ref: 2010.09.x.04.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2010

Steve

3

9

Can you give a bit of advice concerning wanting praise and how to deal with blame. As this world seems to deal with these motivations a lot, it is hard to work on this during the everyday life.

Ref: 2010.09.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Rosemary

15

2

Is being happy overrated? For instance, with regards to quotes like, "May all beings be happy" or "Do more of what make you happy"?

Ref: 2017.07.x.15.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2006

Rosemary

7

10

When I receive constructive criticism or other types of blame I often turn towards a defensive attitude before listening fully to see whether their statement is true, and if it could help me in some ways. This causes unnecessary difficulties in my relationship. How does one avoid the defensive attitude?

Ref: 2006.01.x.07.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Rosemary

2

I recently heard people judging me as being closed, even a little autistic, when I was just trying to feel inside and be aware of the situation. How can I deal with judgement?

Ref: 2008.01.x.02.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Steve

5

10

Not wanting blame is still a big one for me. What do you suggest with regard to how to work with it?

Ref: 2009.01.x.05.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Rosemary

9

1

Could you please speak about how to completely forgive.

Ref: 2011.07.x.09.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Rosemary

9

4

Can you please tell us something about the difference between praise and fame?

Ref: 2011.07.x.09.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Steve

8

3

Suppose we get blame that is partly deserved and partly undeserved. How can we learn to skillfully reject that part that is undeserved, without getting upset with the other person, and accept only the part that is deserved, which can help us in our own personal development?

Ref: 2011.07.x.08.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

6

Could you please talk about the relationship between Truthfulness, Right Intention and the eight worldly dhammas?

Ref: 2010.07.x.06.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

7

2

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with a partner who tends to make others, especially me, responsible for his feelings? It's so hard to stay mindful and not feel bad when somebody constantly blames you, "You are so...", "I feel miserable because of you..." Thanks.

Ref: 2010.07.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Rosemary

15

5

Letting go unpleasant worldly feelings by cultivating unpleasant spiritual feelings, can you please explain?

Ref: 2019.07.x.15.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Rosemary

7

4

How do we work with fear of blame? How to resist blame from family, friends, and colleagues when inside you know you acted beneficially, nevertheless they blame you.

Ref: 2006.09.x.07.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Rosemary

6

4

How to deal with fear of blame?

Ref: 2006.09.x.06.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Rosemary

7

6

Can you please talk about praise and blame, when not to use them?

Ref: 2005.07.x.07.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Rosemary

7

2

In situations of stress, I sometimes channel my frustration onto my partner, through blaming them and they react in similar ways. I also heard other people describing this. Could you please talk about this?

Ref: 2005.07.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Steve

3

9

I am afraid of making mistakes like saying or doing something wrong. How can I change this?

Ref: 2005.07.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Steve

3

5

How to overcome fear of speaking in public?

Ref: 2009.09.x.03.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Rosemary

9

6

How can we take blame, whether deserved or undeserved, and take it less personally?

Ref: 2004.09.x.09.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

18

1

Do you see a difference between praise and an honest compliment or recognition of a particular good virtue a deed, were would you draw the line?

Ref: 2018.07.x.18.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

18

11

A friend of mine is very shy with family meetings, with cousins, aunts and uncles she completely shuts down, her mind blames she told me and she does not know what to say. What could she do to let go of this shyness? Seems like a fear of blame to me.

Ref: 2018.07.x.18.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2005

Rosemary

9

2

I live in a small community and I find that I seek some obscurity with regards to Buddhism. It is known by many that I practice and I am not in the closet with it, but I find that I resent the projections of many people who seem to think that Buddhism is something like Christian evangelism. Some people tried to question my ethics in order to make me look hypocritical even though I've never made an overt statement to them about my ethics. I'm also uncomfortable when a Tibetan Buddhist friend of mine, makes proud references to our friendship and to my Dhamma practice at our work place. Is this an unhealthy obscurity that I seek?

Ref: 2005.04.x.09.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

2

6

If we receive blame while doing generous actions, what are some ways to prevent that blame from preventing us from our wanting to continue to do generous actions?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Steve

3

6

How to deal with fear of making mistakes, fear of blame?

Ref: 2007.09.x.03.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Steve

3

What is the best reaction, what shall I do, if somebody I like and respect a lot gets lost in aggressive speech and thoughts? Is it ok to tell them how I feel, that I get afraid and angry too, and ask them to stop? Or should I just leave them alone and not judge their behavior?

Ref: 2003.09.x.03.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Rosemary

7

Being with difficult people often causes aversion and separation for me. I can see that I am mostly reacting to their needing when my own needing has no chance to be fulfilled. Understanding and Compassion/Lovingkindness is growing but I don't expect that next contacts with these people will be totally fulfilling because of my limited capacity to give more. What can I do more? I can see that it's a challenge to let go of the attachment of being a separate being. Can you give me some advice please? After a while the thought comes up, well it might be reflecting on moral shame and moral dread that could help with the arising of beneficial qualities.

Ref: 2003.09.x.07.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Steve

4

6

What are some methods we can use for dealing with feelings of self-righteousness?

Ref: 2003.09.x.04.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Steve

8

14

For some reason I feel quite nervous before interviews, most likely due to my fear of getting blamed. How can we work on that?

Ref: 2009.07.x.08.14

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Rosemary

2

6

Can you please talk about the nature of praise and blame, concern about others judgment of you and its relation to Dukkha, especially fear?

Ref: 2009.07.x.02.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Rosemary

7

6

Can you please talk about fear of blame, especially the fear of not wanting to get a bad picture of oneself.

Ref: 2009.07.x.07.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2002

Rosemary

6

1

Can you please describe some of the ways in which Sympathetic Joy can help one with their reactions to blame?

Ref: 2002.01.x.06.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2002

Rosemary

9

8

When others blame me for something I didn't even do, coming from believing another person's wrong perceptions of me, what do I do? Do I try to explain that it is not true, or just use Equanimity?

Ref: 2002.01.x.09.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004

Rosemary

6

8

Can you please suggest ways to strengthen Equanimity, in particular related to the eight worldly dhammas? I have been able to use and strengthen equanimity in relationship to small events but I feel I am not ready for when big events might happen. For example loss of health, loss of a loved one, etc.

Ref: 2004.01.x.06.08

Written answer