Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

Could you please talk about Forgiveness in the practice and in relationships with others?

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Ref: 2001.07.x.07.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

In regards to restlessness, can you please remind us again of some techniques to work with restlessness in the everyday? This past year I have noticed myself having to multitask and manage a lot more and can see the restlessness building at times. Winding down is sometimes difficult.

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Ref: 2020.06.x.05.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

In the going through life meditation we are supposed to do a Compassion/Lovingkindness wish for the person we were at a certain year, three times, for each of three different life situations. What is the reason for this?

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Ref: 2014.09.x.18.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

During the meditation on Forgiveness, I found I could compassionately understand from another's view, and genuinely give forgiveness. The next day, I am brooding over the same event. How can I move on from there?

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Ref: 2007.01.x.08.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

How do we work with feelings of guilt?

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Ref: 2007.01.x.05.01

Written answer

So, what am I doing with the understanding of not-self, not taking everything so personally?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.18.06

Audio answer

Do you believe in star signs meanings your birthday somehow determines your character. If so, why and do you in consequence also believe that there is a personal destiny that can be foreseen? Thank you for your answer.

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Ref: 2017.07.x.13.06

Audio answer

I struggle with the Special Mindfulness Activity compassion/lovingkindness before walking. Opening up to the possibility or likeliness that I will harm beings makes me not want to do the walking. I realized this would not be a satisfying solution as I would be doing something else and most likely less mindful and therefore harm maybe even more beings, so, can I do the following, and there are four choices here: Ask forgiveness from the beings I may harm, in the sense while doing the compassion/lovingkindness reflection. Another choice is express the wish, that my walking will bring more positive results then will cause harm. And another choice is dedicating the merit of the walking to be shared, especially with these beings.

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Ref: 2017.07.x.14.09

Audio answer

What are good technics to have more equanimity towards my own live and my own human potential?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.13.03

Audio answer

I have a lot of unhelpful guilt, but I am attached to it, because of the belief that without it I would be a bad person. Can you recommend a practice for letting go of it, but not moral shame, or a practice to help convert guilt into moral shame?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.13.07

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

When is it wise not to apologize? What about mixed apologies? I am sorry you got upset with what I said/did, rather than I'm sorry for upsetting you, I am sorry for what I did/said.

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Ref: 2015.07.x.17.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Which tools are to use when one is racked with guilt or is ashamed shame?

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Ref: 2015.07.x.15.12

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

How can the Brahma Viharas help us to practice forgiveness?

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Ref: 2015.07.x.12.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2006

I have a good spiritual friend who has helped me over the last few years, and I grow stronger and more aware. I realize that I came to judge myself by his standards thereby seeking his approval for my actions. What should I do? How do I keep this friendship, yet grow in my own confidence. How does one develop confidence?

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Ref: 2006.01.x.04.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2006

Can you please talk more about forgiving oneself and others?

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Ref: 2006.01.x.08.15

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Sometimes I find myself in problems trying to help someone else, but cannot give the help that is expected or even keep my own promise. What is best to do?

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Ref: 2008.01.x.02.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

With the forgiveness meditation, I found it very difficult to say I forgive you to the Taliban militia in Afghanistan. However, later, when I had done a reflection on Equanimity, that they are the owner of their Kamma, etc., I was able to extend this forgiveness. Could you please talk about the role of Equanimity in forgiveness?

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Ref: 2008.01.x.09.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

After the forgiveness meditation, I found I couldn't remember all of the steps you took us through when it came to extending the meditation on my own. What would you recommend as the most important parts of that meditation if we are to do a shorter version? Or is it better to go back and try to memorize the whole long form?

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Ref: 2008.01.x.09.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2010

Could you please explain the relationship between compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and for others?

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Ref: 2010.01.x.18.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2003

What can you suggest to cope with the feelings of guilt, for instance after inflicting mental Dukkha on someone else. This would have occurred through ignorance, not wrong intention. However, the guilty feeling remains strong.

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Ref: 2003.01.x.02.07

Written answer

What techniques do you advise for working with letting go of feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, self-hatred, feeling guilty, blaming oneself? Balancing these with good actions I know already.

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Ref: 2009.01.x.09.05

Written answer

Last evening during the Forgiveness guided meditation, I revisited an event that had been a previous focus of another Forgiveness meditation. I was surprised to become aware of depth and complexity of conditioning linked to this event. Would you discuss the importance of the Forgiveness meditation and the potential need to revisit events several times?

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Ref: 2009.01.x.08.05

Written answer

How can I try to be less of a perfectionist?

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Ref: 2009.01.x.02.01

Written answer

I recently listened to the life-changing positive effects that a friend found through prayer. They were advised, by a Greek Orthodox Christian monk, to ask Jesus for mercy. After a three month retreat, with almost constant prayer repeating the words, "Jesus Christ have mercy for me." They found that they have let go of the anger and unhappiness, and found forgiveness for their former marriage partner, which has changed their life. It all sounded similar to the effects and practice of Compassion/Lovingkindness that you teach, if one ignores the God or Jesus aspect. Can you talk about mercy and Compassion, the similarities and/ or differences.

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Ref: 2009.01.x.03.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

I had sincere compassion arising and I forgave the person and I understood all their difficulties and ignorance and all my difficulties and ignorance in relationship to this conflict, but I still don't respect them. Is it still aversion to work on or it / if became beneficial aversion?

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Ref: 2011.07.x.08.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Could you please speak about how to completely forgive.

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Ref: 2011.07.x.09.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

During the regular retreats, Steve talked about separating the person from the action. Could it also be beneficial to do this with ourselves?

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Ref: 2010.07.x.02.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Why is it so important to have a strong and wise mind at the moment of death? Is it more important than any other moment?

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Ref: 2019.07.x.15.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Can you talk more about the feelings of guilt, generosity, and morality?

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Ref: 2006.09.x.06.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

How to deal with feelings of being guilty or being ashamed of things you have done wrong?

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Ref: 2006.09.x.04.12

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Please can you talk about forgiving in a relationship. When is it time to stop the contact?

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Ref: 2006.09.x.07.15

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Please could you say something about how to overcome self-doubt?

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Ref: 2005.07.x.02.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Some teachers have public interviews and confessions with their students. I've also heard that the Monks in some monasteries have a monthly confession ceremony for when they break their precepts. Did the Buddha encourage public confessions? Can it be beneficial to publicly confess one's misjudgments in morality?

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Ref: 2005.07.x.03.05

Written answer

Berlin QA September 2008

I believe we become wiser by getting older. What do you think about this?

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Ref: 2008.09.x.08.06

Written answer

Singapore QA January 2005

Should I forgive someone who keeps repeating the same mistake? Especially when the person has asked for forgiveness and promised not to repeat that mistake?

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Ref: 2005.02.x.01.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Is it good to reflect at the end of the day about good Kamma done and forgive yourself for possible wrong actions or speech?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.17.15

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

I struggle with forgiving myself, the wish that I did not do what I did is very strong. How may I get around this?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.17.24

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

What do you say to someone who tells you that it is good to release your anger on someone else, for example their partner, once in a while? That it all needs to come out.

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Ref: 2018.07.x.16.04

Audio answer

Remembering the application form here, and the questions describing how we feel about our relationship to our parents, I wondered about what particular importance or relevance you take from the answers? Also is there any link in your minds with the work of psychologists, particularly Freud, who based much of an adult's mind make-up on their reactions to early family life, e.g. mother/father complexes, etc.? Did you study psychology as well as the Buddha Dhamma? Do you think a healthy, balanced mind is reliant on having a specific relationship to one's parents/early carers?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.02.07

Written answer

Often when I do Compassionate/Lovingkindness meditation for myself, I think of my current challenges/Dukkha. How much should we bring up the old Dukkha from our past so we can remember and don't cling to it?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.06.14

Written answer

Connecting Moral Shame, forgiveness and moral disgust, is it necessary to first forgive the act of moral shame in order to build a more pure form of moral disgust? Or are the two not related?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.08.15

Written answer

Can you talk about human qualities that deserve to be respected?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.04.10

Written answer

Can you please talk about Moral Shame and Forgiveness, and how they might be related?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.05.07

Written answer

Regarding Forgiveness of others. Assume someone has acted very unskillful towards us or someone we love. Having forgiven and also done Compassion/Lovingkindness for this person, should we communicate our forgiveness to this person or only in circumstances where they have acknowledged wrong doing and already indicated they hope for forgiveness?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.09.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

What happens after an abortion to the unborn child and to the women in their next life? Is it a murder? How can they change it for better Kamma?

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Ref: 2007.09.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Please let me know how I can work with situations where I feel embarrassed, or thoughts and emotions about situations from my past where I felt very embarrassed.

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Ref: 2007.09.x.09.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

During the forgiveness meditation, one of the sticky situations I remembered was one where I was disappointed in my own conduct in the situation. I can also feel justifications arising that there were reasons that the other person was not considering. Yet it is not called a justification meditation. How to work skillfully with this?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.09.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Please do you have some techniques on how to forgive someone who caused big difficulties for us?

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Ref: 2000.01.x.06.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

When we find that we are being judgmental and critical of other people in the mind, not vocally, how can we deal with it? Can we bend that energy to help us to reflect deeper? What is the cause?

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Ref: 2005.01.x.03.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

When we have deep regret about blamable actions that we have done or been part of, how can we learn to skillfully let go of them? Particularly if we have not perceived any blame for these actions we may even receive respect, as others assume you have not been involved in blamable actions.

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Ref: 2005.01.x.03.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2002

How does one work skillfully with regret, that is, both past regrets, and fear of having regrets in the future?

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Ref: 2002.01.x.02.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004