Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

Would you say that the Brahma Viharas - Metta, Karuna, Mudita and Upekkha - that they are mind states or emotions? They are sometimes called mature emotions. What would you say? And what are their opposites?

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Ref: 2020.06.x.07.07

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

In our society, we tend to see praise as an empowering, empathetic attitude, especially toward co-workers or children. How much responsibility do we bear in creating Dukkha when praising other people?

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Ref: 2020.06.x.09.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

The step from "I want what they have" to "I am glad that they have it" seems so difficult. Can you please help me with this?

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Ref: 2020.06.x.09.05

Audio answer

When going through life, I mainly remember bad things others did to me or which I did. Is this “wrong view”, and how can I change it?

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Ref: 2014.09.x.17.11

Audio answer

If you would die, how would you like your students to react? Think about your good Kamma and hope this will support you in a possible next existence?

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Ref: 2014.09.x.13.08

Audio answer

Please talk about the difference between sympathetic joy and conceit?

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Ref: 2014.09.x.16.05

Audio answer

How can I keep those little moments of insight during the retreat better in mind to inspire me later out of retreat?

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Ref: 2014.09.x.15.07

Audio answer

Please can you talk about the inner enemies of the Brahma Viharas and how to distinguish them in our practice? Thank you.

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Ref: 2014.09.x.13.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2004

Could you please discuss any techniques that are helpful with chronic pain and illnesses?

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5

Ref: 2004.04.x.07.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2004

Competition? Good, bad or ugly?

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2

Ref: 2004.04.x.06.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2004

I can't help recalling my first retreat - the monk's hut and path that I used to sweep (this is at Wat Kow Tahm for those of you who haven't been there yet), the term "once-returner" and "go forth with heedfulness", these sorts of things, they all give me a lot of energy. They are a refuge for me also. And on this retreat, once again, they are from time to time inspiration. The energy that I got on the first retreat I can always savor. What other energy should I concentrate and build on? Should I put effort in simple and subtle things that give one energy?

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Ref: 2004.04.x.04.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Please talk about the Brahma Viharas and how they interrelate with each other.

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7

Ref: 2007.01.x.09.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Finding a balance between Compassion and Equanimity is sometimes too much of one, and not enough of the other.

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1

Ref: 2007.01.x.02.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Lately I've gotten in the habit of considering how dependant on my sense contacts I am for happiness. Sometimes the thought arises that thought, too, is a sense contact, and if we didn't experience and appreciate pleasure, life would be a pretty dismal existence. Please elaborate on how to reflect skillfully on this topic.'

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7

Ref: 2007.01.x.04.07

Written answer

How do you manage to tell people exactly the same for 20 or more years, it would drive me crazy.

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11

Ref: 2010.09.x.05.11

Written answer

Could you please talk about the aspects of a balanced practice?

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3

Ref: 2010.09.x.07.03

Written answer

Is it helpful to include my father and mother in a reflection in the following way: "May I be thankful for the good qualities and the conditioning my father and my mother gave me and my I be able to cope with and to overcome the difficulties and problems in my life"?

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Ref: 2010.09.x.07.07

Written answer

How can I help a person who is so attached to suffering that she does not feel worthy to come and do a retreat although she read the book "Compassionate Understanding" and thinks it is very good?

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5

Ref: 2010.09.x.09.05

Written answer

What is jealousy and how do we deal with it?

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Ref: 2010.09.x.06.06

Written answer

DD, how to reflect when you are the one who has most pain?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.17.03

Audio answer

To a certain extent, all what we are doing here seems to be unpersonal in the way like a service in the Dhamma, how to guard this experience in a beneficial way?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.17.11

Audio answer

How can I develop more Saddha, Confidence or Faith and in consequence more Equanimity? Which techniques help to grow in Confidence?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.16.01

Audio answer

Could you please explain how sympathetic joy for myself can be unselfish?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.12.09

Audio answer

What is jealousy? Aversion, wanting fame, under confidence? What antidote?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.15.05

Audio answer

Watching the daily news on TV, in which ways can I use them as beneficial meditation objects instead of feeling disappointed and frustration about the actual political developments?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.12.10

Audio answer

Could you explain the differences and similarities between sympathetic joy as to the Brahma Viharas, joy, as to the factor of enlightenment and joy/confidence inspiring object of meditation?

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Ref: 2017.07.x.12.14

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

If we have done something to be proud of, how do we balance not being too humble at the same time not being too conceited?

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Ref: 2015.07.x.17.07

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Special Retreat Thailand January 2006

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How to work with envy?

Ref: 2015.07.x.17.02

Audio answer

Can you please talk about jealousy and how we can work with this feeling?

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Ref: 2006.01.x.02.06

Written answer

How can we become less dependent on positive feedback, praise or fame from other people to motivate our inward growth?

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Ref: 2008.01.x.07.07

Written answer

I was recently a bit unnerved when an acquaintance asked, "Are you going to get a normal job again?" referring to the fact of being an assistant here at Wat Kow Tahm. Though I did reply something about this being normal for me, I felt a bit at a loss to explain better. Help.

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Ref: 2008.01.x.09.06

Written answer

Could you please talk about signs from our thoughts that we are off-balance with one of the Four Brahma Viharas? For example, when I have too many thoughts of, "Oh, there is so much Dukkha" and I'm having trouble wishing Lovingkindness, then is it a sign for me that I need more Sympathetic Joy to remember the way out, and maybe also Equanimity to bring more acceptance?

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Ref: 2008.01.x.06.05

Written answer

Can you please explain two Pali words, Metta and Karuna, their meanings and significance, as it seems other Buddhists seem to use Metta to only mean Lovingkindness? I'm confused.

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Ref: 2008.01.x.04.07

Written answer

Could you please give examples of confidence inspiring objects one might reflect on?

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4

Ref: 2008.01.x.08.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2010

How do you deal with feelings of inferiority and unworthiness?

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Ref: 2010.01.x.15.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2010

Sympathetic Joy. Could you please explain in which way you feel it with yourself?

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Ref: 2010.01.x.15.11

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2010

Should the Sympathetic Joy meditation also be done with the difficult and so-called bad people, where it is hard to see their potential? If yes, then how?

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Ref: 2010.01.x.12.10

Written answer

Sympathetic Joy

Special Retreat Thailand January 2003

Yesterday Steve talked about antidotes for certain hindrances, for example, Compassion/Lovingkindness for anger. With regard to fear/worry, the antidotes that I thought of were death, reflection on one's good past Kamma, and the Triple Gem, are there any more that you can think of?

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Ref: 2003.01.x.04.05

Written answer

Can you tell me please how can I create Sympathetic Joy in my mind?

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Ref: 2009.01.x.06.08

Written answer

By strengthening the "how fortunate I am" reflection we let go of self-pity. What would be the result or having little or even no self-pity.

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Ref: 2009.01.x.03.01

Written answer

What techniques do you advise for working with letting go of feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, self-hatred, feeling guilty, blaming oneself? Balancing these with good actions I know already.

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Ref: 2009.01.x.09.05

Written answer

Regarding developing sympathetic joy: though I seem to be able to easily find examples of others' good qualities and actions for reflection, I still find it hard to come up with examples of my own, though I volunteer for a charity and give to the needy as I can.

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Ref: 2009.01.x.03.04

Written answer

Could you please talk about the relationship of Compassion, Lovingkindness and Sympathetic Joy in a bit more detail.

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4

Ref: 2009.01.x.08.04

Written answer

How can I try to be less of a perfectionist?

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1

Ref: 2009.01.x.02.01

Written answer

What is the role of emotions in our practice and how can we use them skillfully for growth?

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3

Ref: 2009.01.x.08.03

Written answer

How do you avoid feeling burned out after teaching a retreat, where all these retreatants ask all these questions?

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Ref: 2011.07.x.05.09

Audio answer

How can we take praise in a skillful and beneficial way?

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Ref: 2011.07.x.03.04

Audio answer

When I find myself comparing and competing with others, I now think, “We are all different,” as a short form. And as a long form I do the D/D concerning competition. Am I on the right track?

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Ref: 2011.07.x.06.01

Audio answer

Could you please talk about the interdependent nature of life and how we can apply this teaching in our formal practice?

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10

Ref: 2011.07.x.05.10

Audio answer

How can we strengthen our patience? What did the “Keeper of Patience” do to reach this high level?

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Ref: 2011.07.x.04.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Please talk about humility, its importance, how we can develop it, and let go of the hindrances to its arising?

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Ref: 2010.07.x.05.11

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Could you speak more about Morality please, and give examples of how we can improve it?

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3

Ref: 2010.07.x.07.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Could you please talk more about how to develop the Four Unselfish Emotions and the role of the Brahma Viharas?

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5

Ref: 2010.07.x.09.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2003

My friend, who has just died, became terrified of death. She had always been a gentle caring person. I pointed this out but it didn't seem to help. What could I have done to help ease her fears?

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Ref: 2003.04.x.04.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2003

I use reflection on the Ten Paramis, especially Generosity and Sympathetic Joy, as confidence building techniques. Can you suggest any reflections or any other ways of reflecting on them that will aid in this process?

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Ref: 2003.04.x.09.02

Written answer

What are the differences between praise, especially self-praise, joy and sympathetic joy?

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8

Ref: 2019.07.x.16.08

Audio answer

Is it helpful to apply Sympathetic Joy for oneself and if yes, how does it differ from self-attachment?

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Ref: 2019.07.x.11.08

Audio answer

The systematic ways of reflecting about Sympathetic Joy seem to be limited compare to Compassion/Lovingkindness reflections. Do I need to reflect more about Sympathetic Joy? What can I do, when I run out of systematic ways?

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Ref: 2019.07.x.16.12

Audio answer

I can understand the usefulness of the Four Assurances, but does the fourth assurance mean there is no connection between cause/ill doing and affects/negative consequences following this ill doing?

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Ref: 2019.07.x.13.05

Audio answer

How does one practice "right donation". What Kammic result may come if I give an anonymous donation, or make my donation public? Some people make public what they donate, but if I give anonymously the receiver does not have the possibility to thank someone.

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Ref: 2006.09.x.09.03

Written answer

Please can you talk about envy and how to work with it?

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6

Ref: 2006.09.x.09.06

Written answer

How can I find out if my inner direction in life, my vision and motivation for doing things is helpful and making good Kamma. How can I realize when wanting and desire, for instance to be good or to get praised are working against this?

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5

Ref: 2006.09.x.03.05

Written answer

How can I work with lack of confidence?

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9

Ref: 2006.09.x.05.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Please could you advise on how to work with competition on a spiritual path, especially between partners, and the fear of being the foot dragging behind.

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9

Ref: 2005.07.x.05.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Please could you say something about how to overcome self-doubt?

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4

Ref: 2005.07.x.02.04

Written answer

Berlin QA September 2008

Could you say something about self-doubt in the practice, about not believing that you have the potential to open to difficulties.

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3

Ref: 2008.09.x.07.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Could you please explain about the negative self-image?

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Ref: 2009.09.x.06.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

How do conceit, pride and stubbornness relate to each other?

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3

Ref: 2009.09.x.08.03

Written answer

How can one imagine a caring person to behave?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.18.09

Audio answer

Loss of self-control comes often quite sudden, a certain remark can spark a sudden outburst of anger, how to prevent this?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.16.03

Audio answer

Even if we share it and inspire others, is not there a lot of ego expressing itself in joy? Can there be joy without ego, even sympathetic joy?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.14.07

Audio answer

Giving oneself a reward for being able to do something can be helpful, or is it always a wrong thing to do, because a good practice for example is a reward in itself?

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10

Ref: 2018.07.x.18.10

Audio answer

May you please speak more about the Energy Parami? I would not consider myself particularly energetic in the formal meditation, especially when I am falling asleep after time.

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Ref: 2018.07.x.16.05

Audio answer

Can you explain how a balance of Compassion and Equanimity is important for the relationship to ourselves?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.17.03

Audio answer

It seems the only level of enlightenment I need to concern myself within my lifetime as a layperson is a stream-entry. Can you talk about this please? This seem a very difficult stage to reach in this age of decline. How common is stream-entry?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.16.10

Audio answer

Do you see a difference between praise and an honest compliment or recognition of a particular good virtue a deed, were would you draw the line?

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Ref: 2018.07.x.18.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2005

What does Sadhu, Sahdu, Sahdu mean and why is it written next to the names of donors?

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Ref: 2005.04.x.09.01

Written answer

I suffer from an almost continuous inner critical voice which raises doubts and insecurity. Would this inner critic be one of Mara's many mirrors? I know it's a big one, but any tips on how to clarify the personification of Mara here and work on disarming the critic's negative force? It's so draining!

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Ref: 2007.07.x.06.07

Written answer

I was having trouble having Compassion/Lovingkindness towards a situation maybe because I had the feeling of wanting someone to change their behavior. I then switched to just noting "It's their Kamma, I can't change it" and the Equanimity helped lessen my attachment. I was then able to have more Compassion/Lovingkindness again. Could you please talk about the role of Equanimity in developing Compassion and Lovingkindness including what are the signs that we need more of it?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.09.08

Written answer

Could you please talk about the importance of opening up to unwanted emotions like envy, jealousy and such?

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3

Ref: 2007.07.x.06.03

Written answer

Wanting to share one's past generous actions in order to inspire Sympathetic Joy and to encourage others to continue giving could easily be perceived as one wanting fame from their generous actions. How does one carefully and skillfully share their generous actions with others with Right Intention?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.09.04

Written answer

Can you please talk about Sympathetic Joy? Why "Sympathetic Joy" not simply "Joy"? How do we cultivate Sympathetic Joy? Do we feel this for ourselves and others? Can you please give examples?

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Ref: 2007.07.x.08.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

There are so many techniques now. Which one to use in which situation or to counter certain negativities in the mind, like the hindrances?

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5

Ref: 2007.09.x.06.05

Written answer

In the scriptures, is there a specific order given on how to develop the four Brahma Viharas. If so, why do you think there is a specific order?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.08.09

Written answer

Uncertainty often arises when my reflections turn to people of other major religions. Is it possible to have some confidence and/or joy in their abilities to offer some tools, methods and techniques to help them develop beneficial qualities and lessen their greed, hatred and ignorance?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.03.08

Written answer

Can you please talk about the nature of praise and blame, concern about others judgment of you and its relation to Dukkha, especially fear?

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6

Ref: 2009.07.x.02.06

Written answer

In the poem posted on the board, it mentions that people do not go and visit those who suffer - cancer patients, old people, etc. - because they do not know what to do or say. Can you provide some suggestions on what one may do or say in those situations, so they no longer avoid them?

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2

Ref: 2009.07.x.05.02

Written answer

I experienced a spontaneous act of generosity from a total stranger who helped me out in a time of need. Seemed like a deva coming down to help me. Do you believe in such actions, have you experienced similar events?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.09.06

Written answer

What are some techniques to use when it is challenging to generate joy during the Sympathetic Joy meditation?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.08.11

Written answer

When I do Sympathetic Joy meditation for others, I feel uplifted and sometimes a bit high. When I do it for myself I feel a deep contentment about the actions and choices I made, but not a high. Is that okay?

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Ref: 2009.07.x.02.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Please can you remind me of the pattern of Sympathetic Joy meditation or give another one?

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2

Ref: 2000.01.x.06.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Would you like to give a numbered list of the contents of the tool box?

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Ref: 2000.01.x.05.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

I wanted to do a reflection where I took Sympathetic Joy for the efforts the Sangha makes to work on themselves/help each other. E.g. I thought about how people on this island celebrated the New Year, and how at Wat Kow Tahm it was celebrated, or how most people work for profit and generally most people in the Sangha don't. Do you have a short form of Sympathetic Joy, and I wasn't always sure when to say the Sympathetic Joy phrase, especially when one thought sparked off another about the good qualities of the Sangha. Hope this makes sense.

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Ref: 2000.01.x.05.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

What's the difference between Sympathetic Joy and Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation?

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Ref: 2005.01.x.06.07

Written answer

Sympathetic Joy

Special Retreat Thailand January 2002

Can you please describe some of the ways in which Sympathetic Joy can help one with their reactions to blame?

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1

Ref: 2002.01.x.06.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2002

Moments of transition: before an interview, before the meals, before the ending of the retreat. Here I spend all this time trying to cultivate mindfulness, but when I really need it, I almost always lose it. What can we do to take care of these moments of transition?

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Ref: 2002.01.x.09.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004